GREY SMOKE
by foxdvd
Summary: Due to an accident, Nick discovers a part of Sofia's past she had been trying to keep secret. How's this going to affect their working relationship? Angst for now, romance later on... if the muse feels like it, of course.
1. Scars

**A/N: ** Muse was feeling kinda… dark. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Xxx XXX xxX

They had been driving back from a crime scene when they heard about the accident. Since they were merely three blocks away, they radioed they were driving in to help. The sight that greeted them literally made their blood run cold: a three car pile up that included a sporty convertible, a SUV and a school van. Twisted metal fragments covered all three lanes and the moans of those in pain and their cries of help could be heard everywhere.

Without exchanging more than a glance, they both got out of their own truck and hurried to help. Nick checked on the couple that had been riding the convertible. A quick inspection told them that they were both gone for good, so he moved to the school van. The paramedics that had arrived first were already working on it, and they were quite grateful to have an extra set of arms to take the scared kids away from the scene as fast as possible.

Sofia checked the truck. The driver, an older man, had not been wearing his seatbelt and the unnatural position of his neck told the young woman he was beyond helping. She was going to move away from the vehicle when a bloody hand grabbed her ankle. Crouching down, Sofia met face to face with a middle aged woman, covered in blood but alive, looking at her with fear written all over her face.

"Please… don't leave me!" she pleaded.

"I won't." Sofia assured her, getting on all fours to asses the situation.

The woman hadn't been wearing her seatbelt either, and was trapped between the front and the back seats. As the truck had flipped over, the roof had collapsed as well, making it virtually impossible to get the woman out without the aid of the rescue units and a set of jaws to cut the vehicle in half.

"Ma'am. Ma'am. Listen to me. I'm going to get help for you. We'll get you out as soon as we can, but I need to get more help. I'm going to be right back, you hear me?"

"Y-y-yes. Please hurry. Albert must be in a lot of pain, too."

Sofia gave the woman a reassuring smile, whilst she felt a knot of sympathy in her stomach. "She hasn't realized he's no longer with her" Sofia thought, grateful for that for the time being: it would be easier to talk her into keeping still and cooperative if she found out the truth until after the ordeal was done. As a former patrol woman, she had had her share of car accidents in which she had to assist the wounded and the dying. Needless to say, it was one of the things that she least missed of being out on the streets.

She ran off towards the EMTs and explained the situation. Another police car had driven up and the cop promised to radio the request immediately. Sofia turned around to go back to the truck when Nick caught up with her. "What are you planning to do?"

he asked.

"There's not much I can do given the circumstances, save keep her company until the fire department gets here."

Nick nodded in understanding and allowed her to go her way. He had, literally, his hands full with a group of third graders, most of them none to bad for the wear, but scared beyond measure, all of them desperate to cling to his arms and chest until they found someone else that made them feel safe, preferably a someone else that went by the name of mommy.

"Ma'am?" she called out, crouching again next to the almost totaled truck, "Can you hear me? I'm back. The fire department will be here in no time at all and we'll get you out…"

"I'm here…" came the weary answer.

Sofia lay down on her stomach to peer inside the truck. She could see the woman now, and gave her an encouraging smile. "Hi there, ma'am. My name's Sofia, what's yours?"

"I'm Agatha… and this stubborn sleepyhead on my right is my husband Albert."

Sofia kept the smile on, even when it was the last thing she felt like doing. "Nice to meet you Mrs. Agatha… Mr. Albert." Sofia didn't' want to indulge into the idea of Albert being alive, but if thinking he was helped Agatha get out of there alive, then by God, she's continue making conversation with a dead man and his wife for as long as it was necessary.

She kept the older woman engaged in small talk, asking about where they were from and what had they done in Vegas so far, and answering personal questions as well (no, she wasn't married and no, she didn't have any children, and no, there wasn't a young man who was sweet on her for the time being…) all while wondering what was taking the damn rescuers so long. A stolen glance over her left shoulder told her that Nick had, literally, his hands full for the time being, and she smiled at the sight of the CSI surrounded by a bunch of dirty 8 year olds.

Suddenly, she felt her front get wet. Looking around, she realized the truck's gas tank had been ruptured and now gasoline was pouring out on the concrete, having reached where she was lying down. She excused herself for a moment, on the pretense of going to see how much longer they'd have to wait, and quickly reached the others to inform them of the potential danger and inquire on the ETA of the rescue unit she had been waiting for, and then she returned to her place next to the overturned truck.

The events of the next fifteen minutes were all hazy to her afterwards. She heard the rescue truck arrive and was also aware that Jim Brass was also now on the scene. Then she heard people shouting and smelled smoke. Her own sense of survival screamed at her to get out of there, but her sense of duty kept her rooted where she was. She remembered Agatha asking what was going on, and her own vacillation between the truth and a reassuring white lie. She also remembered the first explosion and the panicked expression on the trapped woman when she realized what was going to happen next.

Sofia could hear Nick calling out for her as well, unable to run towards her as he still had kids surrounding him, and she also remembered, more hastily but still, Brass' voice ordering someone to get her out of there ASAP. She remembered looking at Agatha and opening her mouth, but not knowing what to say.

What she did remember clearly, though, and would probably come back to haunt her for months to come, were Agatha's parting words. "Let me go, Sofia. Albert's gone; it's much better this way. Go, young girl… find a guy who'll be sweet on you."

After that, she barely recalls a loud deafening noise and a heat wave. Then, nothing but blackness.

Nick saw Sofia been thrown back by the force of the second explosion and he screamed out her name. He put down the two kids he was still carrying and ran towards her, along with an EMT carrying a first aid case. The technician got to her first and began to work fast, assessing the damage and getting her ready for transportation. Nick knelt next to her as soon as he got there, but he stopped cold as soon as he saw her.

Sofia's blouse had been badly torn and the EMT had opted for ripping if off instead of trying to work around it. AS much as he didn't want to, Nick's eyes were glued to her chest, but for all the wrong reasons.

Sofia Curtis' upper body was almost completely covered in burn scars.

OLD burn scars.

Xxx XXX xxX

**A/N: **How did Sofia sustain those injuries? And how will this affect the way Nick views her? Find out next week, same bat-hour, same bat-channel. In the meantime, review if you liked it and if you didn't, too!


	2. Tyler

**A/N: ** Strong T rating. Muse is still in a dark mood. Even more so since I just learned that a great childhood friend is in a coma…

Xxx XXX xxX

Nick was shocked beyond words. How? When? He racked his memory trying to find a piece of conversation, a note in a file, a brief sighting during duty… but nothing came to his mind. Nothing that would explain the scarring that seemed to viciously cling and distort every inch of her skin.

"They're boobs, they come two a set, every woman has them. Now beat it, bozo."

He looked at the female EMT that was rudely getting him out of the way. He felt his face burn with anger and shame at the same time. If he analyzed his actions coolly, he could understand perfectly why the paramedic had assumed he was ogling a downed coworker in a moment of need. Hell, he'd probably had beaten the shit out of the bastard if he had seen any other male behave as he had towards Sofia. Seething inwardly, he stepped aside and let the EMTs do their work.

"How is she?" he finally asked.

The female paramedic snorted and shook her head in disbelief. "The nerve of this asshole," she thought, "first he's visually raping her and then he remembers she's injured."

"Not as perky as she was this morning, but not as bad as she's been before… nothing that a full set of x-rays and an overnight stay at the hospital in order to monitor the concussion she surely has won't cure."

As she spoke, she was deftly and quickly settling Sofia on a stretcher and was by then ready to move on towards the ambulance. "You riding with her?"

Before Nick could answer, he heard Jim Brass' voice cutting in. "No. He'll ride with me. We'll be right behind."

Nick turned around, ready to give Brass a hard time for deciding things for him, but he saw his expression and the way he shook his head and managed to keep his temper on line for the time being. He went on to pick up his case as well as Sofia's equipment and got into the detective's vehicle without uttering a single word.

The rest of the ride was no better. Nick's mind kept going back to the scars he'd seen on her. They weren't childhood mementos, and from what he could see, it looked as if her face had been the only part of her body that had been spared by the fire. He was also shocked by the way she had behaved back there. God! It had taken him all his will power to walk down the stairs to the underground facility and not turn around and run away. He had barely managed to keep the rising panic attack building inside his chest under control. He was scarred, all right, except his were no longer perceptible to the eye. But Sofia… how had she managed to stay lying next to the car when she knew the fire was coming? By the looks of her scars, her suffering had been long and unmerciful. How could anyone willingly accept to go through the same thing twice?

Brass broke the silence.

"You're wondering how she does it, aren't you?"

The young CSI was taken aback and merely nodded.

"I've wondered the same thing myself. After all these years, the only logical conclusion I've been able to come to is that she's still brooding over why she didn't die. And maybe, at some very dark unconscious level, trying to finish the job."

Nick felt all his emotions reach boiling point. "She's not suicidal."

"Oh no, not suicidal, perhaps just… an unfulfilled death wish… or whatever crap gets associated to survivor's guilt these days."

"So she didn't..."

"Torch herself? Good heavens, Nick, no!"

Nick felt relief wash all over him. "Then… how…?"

Brass let out a heavy sigh. This was exactly the kind of conversation he had hoped never to have with any of the CSIs in Vegas, but deep inside he knew he was going to have to do it. A story like that cannot stay a hidden secret for long, and after a year and a half, he was surprised it hadn't surfaced before. Perhaps Ecklie had some inkling of humanity in him after all and had kept his promise. Fuck, it was the least he could do after the way they had treated Sofia.

"This isn't really my story to tell, but now that you've seen her, I guess it doesn't really matter who tells it in the end. It was some 6 or 7 years ago. Sofia was still a rookie patrolling the streets of Frisco. I was there at the time trying to save my marriage one more time, and since Capt. Curtis and I had been some kind of close on our youth I kept an eye on her baby girl."

Brass was keeping his eyes on the road and his tone impersonal, and despite himself, Nick couldn't help but wonder just how close "some kind" was. But he decided to keep quiet and keep things out of the gutter for the time being.

"The department had been tracking down a pyromaniac for the past 3 or 4 months. Sofia wasn't even working on the case. She should have never been there in the first place…"

Brass's voice faded and he got lost in the memories. The radio call. Arriving to the place. Realizing it was Sofia's car parked outside. The negotiations. Having had to shoot the bastard. Watching his goddaughter go up in flames.

And the smell…

"Brass?"

Nick's voice brought him back from his reverie.

"Erick Tyler was the detective in charge of the investigation and he had already piled up enough evidence against Hollows to get a warrant. He'd probably served him that morning and gotten him in a holding cell, except that he came down with a nasty cold, running fever and shivers included. Since he was the arresting officer the pick-up was put on hold until the next morning…"

The Texan man riding in the passenger side felt a thud in the pit of his stomach. He had the feeling that he wasn't going to like what was coming and, for a mere second or two, he was tempted to tell Brass to shut the hell up, that he didn't want to know, that he didn't care, that it was none of his business.

But it was, and he did, and he was going to hear the rest of the story, his soul be damned.

"But Hollows got to Tyler first. And by the time we got there… Tyler was dead, Sofia was being held hostage and Hollows had already emptied two cans of gas all over them. We warned him once and opened fire. He got six… seven rounds right on the chest. I thought it was over when I saw the body drop to the floor, but as soon as he hit the ground the whole place lit up."

"Jim… why was Sofia there?"

"She had dropped by after work with a thermos of chicken soup and some cold medication…"

Jim Brass took a deep breath.

"Nick… Sofia and Tyler were engaged at the time it happened."

Xxx XXX xxX

**A/N: **I was typing the last line I got a phone call from my sister. There's nothing left to do for Miguel, so his family decided earlier tonight to shut down life support first thing tomorrow morning. Needless to say, I won't be updating for a week or two. My apologies.


	3. Baby Girl

**A/N: Thanks **to everyone for the good wishes and kind words of support. Since there's not much I can do about it, I decided to channel all the feelings into fiction. My apologies if this comes out too dreary and depressing.

**Xxx XXX xxX**

Nick sat in silence outside Sofia's hospital room. He was still trying to process all the information Jim Brass had given him, and he couldn't still quite grasp the enormity of it all.

"She saved herself," Jim had told him, "even when she was on fire she managed to find the strength to walk out of the house. She even had enough presence of mind to remember to drop and roll, and managed to do so even as the first one of us reacted and hurried to help her."

Brass had looked ashamed as he confessed. "I was rooted to the ground. I couldn't run, I couldn't scream. All I could do was stare open mouthed as that beautiful girl moved surrounded by fire. And the smell. It took me years to go near her without remembering the smell of her burning flesh. I behaved like a coward… I let her down…"

"I'm not sure anyone would have acted differently…" Nick said, trying to sooth the older man's conscience.

"You don't get it Nick. I was supposed to look after her. I promised her mother I would take care of her. And when she needed me, when Sofia stretched her hand looking for my support, I couldn't see her. I couldn't bring myself to see her. All it took was once glance at her raw boiling skin and I turned around, gagging. I turned my back on her, Nick, and the worst part is, she understood it. And she forgave me."

Jim Brass had turned silent after that. He dropped Nick off at the hospital and drove away, leaving Nick with too much knowledge and too many unanswered questions.

"I'm Dr. Benson. Are you here for Detective Curtis?"

Nick looked up to see a grey haired man staring at him, clipboard in hand.

"How's she?"

"Asleep and hopefully resting. She's going to have a whooping headache when she wakes up, and she might feel dizzy for a day or two. She's also going to be sore and all shades of black and blue but nothing that will last more than 2 weeks. She was very lucky. None of the skin grasps sustained severe damage and no fractures, either. I want to keep her overnight for observation, concussions can be a nasty thing if left unattended, and I'll release her tomorrow. She'll be fine to report to active duty by next week…"

The doctor seemed to hesitate for a moment.

"Are you and Detective Curtis… ah… close?"

Nick was torn for a second between not wanting to pry and dying to help her, so he made a non-committal gesture that could be interpreted either way.

"Look, Detective, Sofia is a young healthy woman. She's an ideal candidate for reconstructive surgery. Over 70 of the scarring could be removed, which would allow for reconstructive work to be done. If not for the sake of vanity, then maybe for chance at motherhood, but I'd strongly recommend she accepts the procedure. It's covered by her insurance and her medical records would be finally closed. Do you know why she has refused the treatment? Her medical records show she has turned it down twice already…"

The young CSI tried to hide his surprise. "Well… err… Sofia is a very private woman. It's kind of hard for her to trust people enough to discuss… this… openly."

Dr. Benson flipped through her medical file. "I can understand why she's so reluctant to discuss it. It wasn't an easy recovery. 14 months of surgeries, 3 life-threatening infections, 1 cardiac arrest… she's one stubborn lady, to say the least. She refused the morphine drip, the psychological orientation program, the discharge with full pension from the force. She was even adamant on not receiving visitors."

The doctor's beeper went off in that moment. He quickly checked it and closed Sofia's file. "At least, try to get her to think about it please. And it'd be advisable if she wasn't left on her own for the next couple of days after leaving the hospital, just in case. I'll check up on her again before leaving. You can go in to see her now."

Nick thanked the doctor and saw him hurry away to another patient's room. "Damn!" he thought, "Things are even more complicated than I had assumed." He went into Sofia's room. She was apparently asleep, her breathing even, a bandage on her forehead, an I.V. drip on her left arm, and the sound of a heart monitor's steady beep the only one in the room. He approached her and took a long good look at her. Asleep, Sofia Curtis had an almost childlike appearance. Her fine blond hair lay scattered like a blond aura surrounding her angelic face. Nick Stokes didn't consider himself a very poetic man. He didn't even peg himself as a romantic, either. But he had to admit that right then and there she did look like an angel.

He gently lifted a strand of her hair and was surprised by the baby-fine quality of it. It reminded him of his toddler nieces and nephew. The scientist in him knew it was because she had lost al her hair in the accident and it had grown back later on. He estimated it was 6 or 7 years old, thus the "baby" feeling. He wondered if it would smell like baby shampoo did, but his logical side told him that after being drenched in gasoline and blown 15 feet away and dragged through ER the possibilities of that were quite dim.

Letting go of the strand of hair, brushing it away from her face, Nick stood there wondering what to do. He had called Grissom whilst waiting for the doctor, and his supervisor had told him to stay there and update him whenever possible or needed. His stomach grumbled, making him realize they were on their way to grab a bite when they had stopped at the accident. Nick pondered the options. Dr. Benson had told him she'd be asleep for at least another hour. He decides to go downstairs to grab a sandwich and a soda and then quickly return to her bedside.

Nick leaned forward. "I'll be right back, baby girl." On an impulse, he brushed his lips against her forehead, surprising himself. He liked Sofia. He actually liked her a lot. Perhaps it was because they were both cops and scientists; perhaps it was because they both had families far away. Or perhaps it was the comfortable, almost flirty, casual banter they shared when the worked cases together. She was smart, she was competent, and she had a wicked sense of humour very much in tune with his own. The fact that she was very easy on the eyes was an extra bonus, and he had to admit to having checked her out in a completely sexual way once or twice… or maybe even thrice.

But it had been something strictly "look but not touch". He had sometimes debated on whether or not to ask her to go dancing with him, but he had always decided against it. Nick Stokes went dancing when he was feeling horny, and meeting a girl in such places under such circumstances usually lead to a pleasant, no strings attached, one night stand; which was exactly what he was looking for in the first place. And since he wasn't completely sure he wouldn't get frisky whilst dancing with Sofia… well, they had shared a couple of coffees and a dinner "date" and that was it. He'd done more socializing with Sara and Cath than he had with Sofia. He'd even gone to the movies with Mandy, who had made clear, as the first trailer began rolling by, that she was not interested in sleeping with him.

So where on earth that "baby girl" and that kiss did had come from? He was worried about her, no doubt about it, but that wasn't it. And it wasn't pity, either. If anything, becoming aware of Sofia's past had made him admire her.

Nick sighed. This wasn't good. If he had developed a soft spot for Sofia… he didn't want to think about it. Not then, anyway. He'll deal with it later, when she was out of the hospital, when he had at least tried to talk to her about getting the reconstructive surgery, when he had at least a chance to ask her out on a real date. Looking at her one last time, he quietly walked out of the room.

Sofia opened her eyes as soon as he was gone.

"I'm not your baby girl, Stokes." She murmured to the empty room.

"I can't be your, or anyone else's, baby girl."

Xxx XXX xxX

**A/N: ** That's it for this week. Hopefully next installment will be a trifle lighter and more SoNic. Once more, thanks for the support.


	4. Please

**A/N: ** Muse is back to the dreary side. Enjoy!

Xxx XXX xxX

Nick Stokes came back to the room 20 minutes and 12 dollars later. He was appalled at the prices of the vending machines in the lobby. Eight dollars for a measly, stale sandwich! Four dollars for a can of soda! No wonder relatives took turns looking after their loved ones… between the medical bills and the food a family could very well file for bankruptcy after a week in here.

He went into the room and did a double take to check if he had it right. The room in front of him was empty. "What the..?" he thought, and was about to go back to the nurse station to demand an explanation when out of the corner of his eye he saw movement behind a curtain. Cop training kicked in, and he removed his gun from his holster and approached the source of the movement quietly. Keeping his gun trained on whoever might be lurking behind it, he used his left hand to yank the curtain open.

The "Police!" statement that should have followed the yanking died before it even reached his lips. Standing right in front of him was Sofia Curtis… naked. He stared at her open-mouthed and she stared right back at him without flinching. It took him half a minute to realize that he was doing it before he dropped his sight to the floor and his arm to the side.

He noticed then that the hospital robe was pooled around her ankles. He also noticed the graceful curve of her calves. And although he hadn't meant to, he also noticed that she was a natural blond. He told himself that it was only natural that he took on such details; after all, he was trained to be observant and notice even the smallest of details. What he couldn't explain, although he was absolutely sure it was also perfectly natural, was the way his embarrassment got quickly replaced by a wave of lust. He felt his cheeks burning and he hoped Sofia would think it was due to embarrassment rather than excitement.

He shifted his gaze and settled it on the I.V. line that was still attached to her arm. Swirling rivulets of blood made their way up to the saline solution bag and Nick was a bit surprised to see that there was a fair amount of blood there as well.

"Perhaps it would be best if you lie down and put that arm up" he said, moving his arms vaguely in the direction of the I.V. Sofia, who had managed to wrap a towel around her, looked at the source of his worries and decided to get rid of the problem by pulling the needle out of her arm.

"Okay. Hold it right there, Curtis. What exactly do you think you are doing?" he asked, more forcefully once he'd realized she was now partially covered up.

"Getting dressed and getting out of this place" was her simple answer. "You'd better consider turning around, the towel is coming off."

Nick was shocked. He would have expected Sofia to be more modest about her body, given the circumstances and he didn't know how to react to her brazen attitude. Seeing that he hadn't moved, Sofia shrugged her shoulders, dropped the towel... and started to get dressed.

Nick decided that two could play the game. In the back of his mind, memories of Kristy flashed by. The whole checking on the nipple discoloration to compare it with the victim had been a ruse. He had just been looking for an excuse to get a good look at her. Ever since he had seen her inside the patrol car he had wanted her. When she had called him again to get help her with the security guard, he had given it a second try. A very lame attempt, that let's-talk-about-my-work and grab-a-coffee, but a part of him, a very small part of him, kept screaming inside his head that falling for a hooker was, indeed, a very bad idea. The third time they've met had proven to be the charm, and he had given her a ride home knowing full well where the whole thing was headed. Murder, however, had not been in his plans, but that's how the affair had ended.

So he wasn't that lucky when it came to picking up the right gal. He still cringed at the memory of Det. Joyce Secula, and the ill-fated dinner they had shared some years back. It wasn't that Joyce wasn't a nice person. She was. And she wasn't hard on the eyes, either. But she was a couple of years older than Nick and her biological clock had already started ticking, and she had hinted too hard at wanting a serious relationship and settling down for good and Nick just wasn't ready for that. Back then, he was still spending his money on new video games and using his job as an excuse to check females out. Granted he had taken the coward way out by not calling her, and after she had pointed it out, he had begged Brass not to pair them together again. Luck had it Jim Brass had made the same "mistake" a few months back and he hadn't given Nick much hell over the whole issue. The experience, however, had made Nick weary of office flings and he had managed to keep away from temptation.

Until now.

His walk down memory lane had not affected his visual capacity, and he had taken in every inch of Sofia's naked body whilst she dressed herself. The scars were unsettling, yes, but once you got past them you realized that Sofia was one very good looking woman. Desirable. He had watched as she had put on her bra, and decided that her breasts were just the perfect size to fit in his hands. The sheer material showed her hardened nipples and Nick's mouth went dry as he realized just how badly he wanted to suck on them. Sofia slid her jeans up her hips, and Nick's mind pictured his own hands holding unto them whilst he slid in and out of her…

"Seen enough?"

Her voice brought him out of the fantasy word he had slipped into. He realized his erection was perfectly noticeable through his jeans, but he wasn't ashamed of it in the least. Let Sofia Curtis know just how much he wanted her. Hell, she'd consider herself lucky if she walked out of that room just kissed!

"Not as much as I'd like to see…"

It wasn't so much what he had said, but rather HOW he had said it what troubled Sofia. The husked voice, the innuendo dripping from every syllable, the feral look on his face, not to mention the bulge on his jeans… if Sofia didn't know better, she'd have thought Nick has having a very strong sexual response towards her. Which was impossible, as she well knew. Men didn't look at her that way, not anymore, not after what had happened.

She had mourned Erick for three years, which was time also spent healing and recovering and getting back to "normal"… whatever normal meant for burn victims like herself. After that time, friends and family began gently, but firmly, pushing her towards "moving on with her life" and, for some reason that escaped her own logic, such moving on required the presence of a man in her life.

The first attempt had been a blind date set up by her Aunt Louise with a young doctor. The good old woman had assumed that given his line of work he wouldn't find her scars too "disturbing" and would be able to see beyond them. Sofia had to give the man points for trying, but whenever they got slightly intimate she could see the look of pity in his eyes, and the whole thing went down in flames after the 5th date.

The lawyer her cousin Emma had hooked her up with had taken one look at her scarred cleavage, asked if there was a chance reconstructive surgery would give her a "normal" appearance, and left before dessert had arrived. Sofia didn't hold it against him; at least, the man had been honest. He had his sights set on a political career and he needed a trophy wife by his side, one that he could show off in low-cut evening dresses and wouldn't have a perpetually haunted look in her eyes.

The third and last time, she had managed to get the date on her own. Phillip was a fire fighter who also volunteered at the burned ward in the hospital and she had been straightforward with him since day one. He had seemed fine with it, more than fine, actually, and they had ended date two making out on her living room like a couple of kids. After Phillip left that night, Sofia had cried herself to sleep, tears of joy for feeling whole and normal again after so many years of considering herself damaged goods. It didn't last long, though. He was ready to settle down and start a family and hadn't taken too well the news that her chances of carrying out a pregnancy to term were slim to none. Shortly after that conversation they had started drifting apart and before the month was over their relationship was done, as well.

Sofia accepted then and there that she had used up all the chances this lifetime was going to give her, and she had made her peace with it. Sure, she felt lonely, especially late at nights when she craved the feeling of a man's arms wrapped around her body, but nothing that crying herself to sleep while hugging a pillow didn't cure by next morning.

So what in the hell, she asked herself, was Nick Stokes doing looking at her like that? Her mind was furious at his condescending attitude, and her heart had missed a beat or two out of exhilaration, and in the end her temper won out. She decided to teach the cocky CSI a lesson, give him a taste of her sharp tongue and walk out of the room without looking back.

Unfortunately, her body saw fit to betray her right then and there.

"Get out of my way Stokes" she commanded, and took two steps forward.

She immediately felt dizzy and swayed against her will. Nick had been watchful of her every move, and as soon as he saw her falter, he was quick to close the distance between them. He slid one arm around her waist and the other one around her shoulders, pulling her close to him for support. The resulting heat wave from their touching bodies was immediate, and Nick felt a flare of lust begin to burn white hot inside of him, fueling his erection as well as his actions. Sofia, on the other hand, cursed her weakness. She wasn't used to playing damsel in distress and damned if she was going to give Nick the chance to play knight in shining armor. But a longing born out of years of unfulfilled desire was slowly taking over her, and she knew she was going to be powerless against it if she didn't get away right then and there.

"Let me go" was her weak protest.

"I can't" he replied in all honesty, drawing her even closer to him.

"Please" her voice trembled, uncertain as to what she was begging for.

For all response, Nick leaned in and captured her mouth with his own.

Xxx XXX xxX

**A/N: Well, it wasn't as dreary as I thought it'd be. I'm a non-American resident, so I based the prices mentioned in the first paragraph on what I'd consider a rip-off. Please don't hesitate to point out if I'm too cheap.**


	5. Fight

**A/N: ** Sorry to report that the muse is not in a "happily ever after" mood. But, hey, angst is good, isn't it?

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Sofia felt a heat wave engulf her as Nick's lips journeyed all over hers and for a brief instant her ability to think simply vanished. She allowed herself to feel what she had not felt in almost 7 years and realized how much she had been missing out on life. She had been living, but she hadn't been alive…

Reality came crashing down on her as she felt his tongue eagerly seeking out hers. This wasn't right. This could not happen. This was… wrong.

She had been burned before. She was not going to allow it to happen again. Not ever again.

Nick knew he was in trouble as soon as his mouth touched hers. Dammit, why couldn't Sofia taste like any other of those nameless, face-blurred girls he picked up in bars from time to time? Why couldn't his body just have a normal sexual reaction and be done with it? Nick was certain his life would be far easier if the tingling sensation that ran all over his body just from holding her in his arms simply wasn't there. But it was, and every passing second his mouth held hers captive it grew stronger and stronger, and Nick was sure Sofia would be the one woman to break his heart beyond repair if he wasn't careful.

The moment his tongue touched hers he knew he was doomed.

He also knew something had gone wrong. He sensed a change in demeanor in Sofia and slightly pulled away, just to gauge her reaction. And when it came, it was fiercer than what he' have ever imagined.

Sofia balled up her hands and began punching his chest with all the rage she had kept inside of her for too long. Nick held tight until the sting of her punches began to be too much to bear. He was strong, but so was she and anger was giving her additional strength. He tried holding her wrists but Sofia began batting his hands away in panic, so he did the first thing that came to his mind: wrapping his arms around her, he pushed her up against a wall, trying to pin her there, trying to avoid further injury for either one of them.

A tad too late he remembered her legs were still free and able to move... and kick. He shifted his leg angle barely on time, and although Sofia's knee missed his crotch, his thigh muscle was screaming bloody murder. His shins weren't doing any better and Nick cursed whoever had invented pointy-toed boots. And although he hated to do it, Sofia was leaving him with only two choices, and letting her go in her present state of mind was out of the question. That left him only one option: restraining her by means of force.

"Sofia…"

She kicked him again.

"Sofia… listen! Listen goddammit! Stop struggling or I'll have to choke hold you, and that's the last thing I want to do…"

She seemed to settle down and Nick cautiously released one wrist. That's all she needed, and he couldn't avoid her fist as it connected with his jaw. Acting more out of training and instinct, Nick quickly placed his arm against her windpipe and pressed his whole body against her, trapping her between him and the wall. Sofia began clawing at his arm, desperation etched on her face.

"Let… mmh… go…"

Nick hesitated a second. He hated the idea of hurting her, but he'd learned his lesson well the first time around: trusting her ended up hurting him.

In more ways than one.

He got hold of her wrist with his free arm and pinned it above her head. The he removed his arm from her neck and swiftly grabbed her other and lifted it as well. Sofia had closed her eyes and was panting and Nick felt like a rotten bastard for hurting a fragile woman like her. She had been through so much already, and now he had to shove her back into the grind…

"EXCUSE ME… WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"

They both jumped at the sound of the voice booming from the room's door. Nick let go of Sofia, whom in turn held herself against the wall in order to avoid falling down. The nurse took three strides forwards, admonishing Nick.

"I don't know who you are and I don't care, you insensitive prick. This girl here nearly died and all you can think of is fulfilling one of your perverted sexual fantasies… Get out before I call security. Out! OUT!"

The nurse turned to Sofia, attempting to put a shoulder around her shoulders and lead her back to bed.

"As for you, my dear, we'll get you back in your jammies in no time and get your IV going as well… I'll check with the doctor to see if we can give you something to eat and then…."

Sofia pushed the woman away, gently but without giving room to misinterpretations.

"I'm fine. I don't need any of those things. I'm checking myself out of the hospital right now…"

The nurse was shocked but held her ground. "I'm not sure you can do that, Ms. Curtis, I'll have to check with Dr. Benson before…"

"Then go call him. Now. And hurry up, cause I won't be here in 15 minutes."

The nurse opened her mouth to say something, thought better about it, and closed it. Giving Sofia a stern look, she turned around to leave the room, but not before Nick could see the disgusted expression on her face. The nurse was back five minutes later, with Dr. Benson close behind here.

"Ms. Curtis…"

"Save it Benson. I want to go home and I want to do it now. No meds, no absence of leave, no nothing."

Nick was a bit surprised at the way Sofia spoke to the doctor. She sounded, weary, bored, and adamant at the same time. He had wondered before how she managed the strength, but now that he had had a glimpse of the internal inferno she had, he was more surprised at her sweet and calm everyday demeanor. His chest and jaw were starting to hurt like hell, and he wouldn't be surprised if they turned into visible bruises.

"Fine, Sofia. Have it your way. You know which paperwork to sign in order to do it."

Sofia regaled him with the half-smirk of someone who had been there and done that more times than anyone should in a life time.

"But… as you well know… I have to sign you over to someone. Shall I call Captain Curtis?"

If looks could kill, Dr. Benson would be a rotting corpse by the time the last words left his mouth. And he knew it.

"Okay, I guess that's a no. Then I'll sign you over to this gentleman over here…"

"NO!"

Dr. Benson and Nick were surprised, not at the intensity of the denial, but at the fact that the nurse had chimed in as well.

"Captain Curtis, it is, then…"

"Oh, fuck off, Benson. Sign me over to Stokes" growled Sofia through clenched teeth.

Dr. Benson smiled. "Fine, fine. See my dear? It wasn't so difficult after all. And you can always stay at the hosp…"

"Don't push your luck, Doc. I'm in a very bad mood as it is."

The nurse took the chance to interrupt then. "Doctor, are you sure it's a good idea to leave Ms. Curtis with this… man? I'm not entirely sure it would be advisable…"

"Nurse Cobbs, this… man here, as you put it, is a police officer. I'm sure he's more than capable of dealing with Ms. Curtis."

Nick received a printed list of signs and symptoms he should keep an eye on, as well as two bottles of medication and instructions on when and how to administer them.  
Dr. Benson was nice enough to give him a prescription for the pain and swelling that was beginning to be noticeable on his jaw, as well.

As he waited for Sofia to complete the paperwork, he could feel Nurse Cobbs disapproving look upon him. And it pissed him off. Not that she was giving him the evil eye, but the fact that, for the second time that day, a perfect stranger had branded him as a sexual predator. And that worried him… a lot.

Nick considered himself to be a sensitive guy and a gentle lover. And although it bothered him sometimes, he had to admit that he did, in fact, live up to the "southern gentleman" label most people associated him with. So how come two women, two women trained to be observant, had reached the conclusion that he was a perv? He tried to picture himself as they had… and was disgusted by what he saw. He had six sisters, and if he had walked into a room and had found one of them being pinned to the wall by a guy who was obviously taking advantage of her weakened condition… he'd had beaten the motherfucker to a pulp with his bare hands.

So what did that make him? A sicko? In all shameful honesty, Nick had to admit that a very small part of him had been turned on by the violence and raw sexuality of the whole thing. As much as he hated to admit it, he was sure that if Nurse Cobbs hadn't come in when she did, he'd have probably attempted to kiss Sofia once more. And he wasn't so sure he'd stop at kissing, either.

Nick bit his lip. What the hell was wrong with him anyway? He liked Sofia, maybe more than liked her. He felt that he could end up falling in love with her if he wasn't careful. And he desired her. Nick couldn't remember ever wanting a woman as badly as he wanted Sofia Curtis. Perhaps that was the problem? Was he so transparent that his lust was showing through?

The blur of movement that was Sofia on her way out of the hospital brought him back from his reverie, and he sprinted to catch up with her. By the time she reached her, she was already flagging down a cab, which they rode in the most absolute silence. Nick was still wondering what to do about his sexual feelings towards her and Sofia…

Sofia was torn between giving in and allowing someone back inside her heart or putting up a fight and forgetting about humankind for good. Caught in a vicious cycle, one moment she was relishing the feel of Nick's body next to her, the next she hated him for reminding her of the things she could not have. She adored him and despised him at the same time. She wondered if she had finally lost it. How could her body be both screaming for his touch and shying away from it at the same time?

She rested her head against the cab's window and closed her eyes, but it was no good. She could still hear his breathing, she could still feel his body heat, she could still smell him… and she was dying to taste him again, even if it was just one last time before her whole life went up in flames and turned to ashes.

She opened her eyes when she felt the absence of movement, just in time to see Nick paying the driver. They got out and walked to her place still in silence.

"Do you have my meds?" she asked quietly once they were inside.

Nick nodded and took them out of one of his vest's pockets, handing them to her. Sofia took them and set them on the kitchen counter. Taking a deep breath, she turned to him, still unsure as to what to tell him.

"Nick…"

She looked up at him and what she saw in his eyes terrified her. She was certain that if she allowed herself to get lost in those eyes she'll burn again, and this time the scars would never heal.

"Yes?"

"Get the fuck out of my life."

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

**A/N: ** Don't look at me. I have no idea whatsoever where the muse is taking this. She MIGHT take suggestions, though…


	6. Break down

**A/N: ** Muse is still set on giving these two a hard time before the "happily ever after". IF there's a "happily ever after", that is…

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Nick was shocked, but not really surprised. He had had several interesting glimpses at the internal turmoil that afflicted Sofia Curtis and he was aware of how much rage and pain was being held prisoner inside her. It wasn't a wonder she went running on a regular basis: that's the only way she was letting off steam and preventing a huge blow up… or a messy meltdown.

Unfortunately, understanding her didn't equal forgiving her… or abiding to her wishes. If Sofia Curtis thought she was going to kick him out of her life, she had another thing coming. Like a head strong, stubborn and half-way in love Texan. And that was just for starters.

"Didn't you hear what I said?"

"I did. Loud and clear."

"Then how come you're still here?"

"Cause I'm not leaving."

This time around, Nick had been expecting the outburst and was more than ready when she threw the first punch. Sofia let out a surprised yelp, and found herself pinned face down against the wall, her arms secured on her sides. Nick was standing between her legs, his knees immobilizing her thighs.

But having her safely pinned and having her under control were too entirely different things.

"Let me go, dammit!"

"Not until you've calmed down and talk to me."

"I don't want to talk to you. There's nothing to talk about…"

Tired of all the yelling, he moved closer to her. "There's plenty to talk about and you will talk about it even if it's the last thing we do together…" he whispered close to her ear.

Too late, Nick realized that leaning so close to her had been a very bad idea. The heat generating between their bodies was starting to be too much to handle and damned his soul if he wasn't getting turned on again.

Sofia was seething and had sworn to God she'd kick the living crap out of Nick Stokes as soon as she got herself from under him. The man was infuriating, insufferable… and darn too hard to resist. She had been holding on to pure rage in order not to succumb to sheer lust, and she was starting to loose her grip on anger.

As soon as she felt his warm breath on her neck, she knew she'd lost the battle. She gave notice of her surrender by moving her body against his, which he didn't notice right away, and with a moan that escaped her mouth unnoticed by her, but unsettling to him.

Sofia's moan rattled Nick, and he closed his eyes against his will. He knew he had to remain strong, he knew he had to be stoic in order to save her… but he also knew he wanted her so badly he couldn't even see straight. How was he going to be able to lead her down the road to recovery when all he could think of was leading her down the bedroom and have his way with her?

"Nick…?"

Her voice was so soft he wasn't sure she had spoken in the first place. He moved in closer, knowing full well he was dooming him… them… to whatever wild emotions were laying barely underneath the surface, barely contained… but there, nonetheless.

"Nick…"

The tenderness, the hopelessness, the need… all compressed in one syllable. And Nick was so tired. So tired of fighting his own demons on his own, so tired of being on his own, so tired of having to resort to emotionless anonymous fucks just to remind himself what contact with another human being felt like.

And he surrendered, as well.

He moved forward once more, his lips barely grazing the tender skin of her neck, his hands no longer imprisoning, but supporting.

"Yes, baby girl?" he murmured against her skin.

Maybe it was the heat his lips ignited on her skin. Maybe it was the weight of his body against hers. Maybe it was the tender moniker. Or the unmistakable push of his erection against her ass. Whatever it was, it fueled the urgency inside of her, throwing tenderness to the side, leaving the way open to need.

"Fuck me."

The words were out of her mouth before she consciously realized she had spoken them.

"What?!"

"You heard me. Fuck me. Here. Now."

Nick froze. What the hell was he supposed to do? Half his body, his cock included, was all too happy to comply with her request. The other half, where his intellect and manners and code of honour resided, said yes… but not here. Yes, but not now. Yes, but not fuck. Make love. When they finally got together, they were going to make love, not just fuck.

"Sofia… I…"

But she had felt his hesitance, and she knew what it meant. She felt the sting of tears in her eyes, but damned if she was going to cry in front of him. She shifted her body and clearly felt his erection rub against her. You goddamned hypocrite… she thought. She decided that she was going to make Nick Stokes fuck her, whether he wanted to or not… and then she'd kick him out, for good.

She began rubbing herself against him, knowing full well what she was doing, and taunting him at the same time: "What's the matter, baby boy, don't you want this? Huh? Huh? I saw the way you were looking at me back at the hospital… and I can feel you right now. We both want it, cowboy, so come and get it…"

Nick closed his eyes, as if shielding from temptation. He was a gentleman, dammit, but first and foremost he was a man. A very aroused man.

And he snapped.

He released her arms and snaked his own around her, one hand grabbing her right breast, the other one making a beeline for her jeans button and zipper, which he undid in a single motion. He latched his mouth to the lower part of her neck, where he felt a pulse, and began suckling in earnest. He knew he was going to leave a mark, heck, he wanted to leave a mark, and he continued sucking as his right hand played mercilessly with her nipples.

Sofia was slumped against his chest, eyes closed, breath hitching, allowing him to do as he pleased with her body. She whimpered whenever he was rougher and moaned hard as she felt his hand slide underneath her panties, spreading her legs to give him better access.

Nick wasn't surprised to find her wet and willing. What surprised him was the fact that he completely forwent all kinds of foreplay and went straight for the kill, inserting two fingers inside her pussy. And judging from the way she was moaning and bucking her hips, she hadn't minded one bit. Just as she didn't seem to mind the way he was shamelessly rubbing himself against her, working them both to frenzy.

It wasn't long before Sofia fell over the edge. She had been chanting his name, a higher pitch each time she said it, and by the time her orgasm hit, she was almost keening. Rationale having left him a long time ago, Nick felt he was entitled to enjoy that ride as well, so he pushed down her jeans and underwear, and lowered his enough to release his straining erection. Turning her around, he got hold of her right leg and lifted it just enough to gain access to her entrance, and he penetrated her in one swift motion. And he did it again, and again, and again…

He kept on pumping until Sofia screamed his name again, until he emptied himself inside her, until his legs gave under their weight…

Until they both lay, crumpled on the floor, crying.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

**A/N: ** Man, that was tough. I feel like I need to apologize! Muses promises to make it up to y'all next chappy. Honest to God she will.


	7. Contemplation

**A/N: **Sorry for taking so long to update. Work got a bit crazy (as it usually does at the end of a school year) and the muse was emotionally wiped out after last chapter… we managed to get ourselves trapped into a nice lil corner and had to take two steps back to figure out how to get out of there with our arses none worse for the wear. Thanks to Shar for the emotional support!

**Xxx XXX xxX**

Nick was sitting against the wall, knees almost up to his chin, his face buried in his hands. He felt like a scumbag and guilt was eating him up at such a speed that if he didn't do something, anything, soon, he'll end up an empty husk before the day was over.

He had raped her, and in more ways than one. That she had asked him to do it didn't change the fact that he had done it in a violent and savage way. That he had physically enjoyed it made the whole thing even sicker. He couldn't remember his body ever responding this way to sexual stimuli, and it both shocked and disgusted him. He had told Catherine once, when they first met Lady Heather and her world, that he wasn't a degenerate and had taken a holier-than-thou attitude when she had insisted everybody was, one way or another. He now felt ashamed of his naivety and righteousness. How stupid could he be? Deep down, he was every bit as animalistic as every rapist and pedophile he'd ever helped put behind bars… and he hated himself for it.

Nick had not expected to fall for a coworker. Hell, he hadn't expected to fall for anyone, for that matter. He was "dependable" Nick Stokes, the guy most women loved to have as a friend… and maybe a booty call partner every now and then, but not the kind of guy women wanted to stay around on a more permanent and intimate basis. He had heard the "it's not you, it's me" speech enough times to last him three lifetimes, and he ought to collect them "I love you as a friend" smiles. He'd even gotten the "but I thought you were gay" a fair amount of times. He bitterly smiled remembering all those dates that had gently turned down a second outing based solely on the fact that he was, well, too NICE. If they only knew what lay simmering beneath the surface… not such a nice gentleman now, are you? Perhaps those girls were the lucky ones, having gotten away before it was too late, before he had a chance to show his true monstrous nature…

Laying in fetal position, barely covered by the half-torn shirt she had been wearing, Sofia kept her eyes tightly closed. She felt the somewhat childish impulse of covering her ears with her hands, but resisted the urge. She had to keep perfectly still, so Nick would think she was sleeping and he'd leave. Because that's what she wanted, wasn't it? She wanted him gone so she could wallow in her self-pity and have her soul, what little was left of it, die another bit, until she could go back to the comfortable numbness her life had been the last 7 years. To not feel, to not care…

She had never told anyone the real reason why she had never accepted to have reconstructive surgery. At the beginning it had been all about survivor's guilt; she didn't want to go on living without Erick… and she was too much of a coward to withstand the pain of recovery. So she had prayed to God to let her die, she prayed so hard. But she had survived, somehow.

Then she had gotten angry with herself, with life, with God, with everyone else surrounding her. How could she had been so stupid as to let herself get caught? And where had the backup agents been? Where had Jim Brass been? Her own mother, too busy being one of the few female captains to be bothered with looking after her own daughter… As for God… well, screw Him and His sense of humor and justice. She didn't need anyone, anyway, and the scars were a constant reminder of that… and they fueled her anger every time she had one of them cleaned and redressed.

Then resignation had settled in. She was a scarred woman, both physically and emotionally and she'd have to learn to live with it. And slowly she went back to what could be considered a "normal" life and, as long as she didn't look at herself in the mirror, she almost forgot about them. Almost, but not quite, and she became an expert at fooling herself, and others, into believing that she was "fine". She was so fine, in fact, that she believed she could fall in love again. And she tried. Three times. And she failed all three. And it hurt even worse each time she failed and by the time the third try had come and gone, she was so emotionally battered that she wished her heart's nerve endings could be as dead as her skin's. And she swore she'd never allow herself to feel again and she vowed to keep the scars as a reminder of what happened when she allowed herself a weak moment.

And then she had met Nick Stokes. And no amount of staring at her deformed body could assuage her feelings. And she hated him for it. And she hated herself even more, because she knew she was lying to herself. And she almost managed to control her feelings again.

Until he touched her.

It had been nothing, really. And she couldn't understand why she had gotten so worked up about it. Actually, she could understand it perfectly, what she didn't want to do was ACKOWLEDGE the fact that another human being had laid a hand over her scarred skin, both separated by the coarse fabric of the shirts she favored and she HAD felt it. A tingling undercurrent that ran up and down her spine and she had shivered despite of herself. She had spent days pondering whether or not to tell her doctor about it, after all, he had mentioned that in time she would recover some sensitivity, and decided it was her mind playing tricks on her, and chided herself for acting like a giddy teenager with a crush.

Until it happened again, and this time she couldn't pretend it hadn't happened.

They had been taking part in a rescue drill. At the end, they were the only two left at the bottom of a ravine and they had to figure out a way to get out of there before a flash flood reached them… at least, that's what the drill sergeant had told them was coming their way. They had been testing just how well they worked as a team, how they worked under pressure, and if they could come with creative solutions to seemingly impossible situations. Nick had decided to try a coupled ascent, and they had ended up tightly wrapped together, holding unto each other while the helicopter lifted them up.

But what should had been a couple of minutes, ended up being a much longer ride, as the rope got stuck and they had to remain dangling mid-air until they could reach a safe place to land. Sofia hadn't felt scared, she knew Nick was holding her tight and he wouldn't let go of her no matter what. He had smiled apologetically as he wrapped his arms around her and she had snuggled against him to keep them balanced. She took in his aftershave, and decided that she liked the way it smelled, clean and manly and… well, the word "sexy" did come to her mind. A gust of wind moved them around, and Nick tightened his grip around her, and Sofia could feel his hands moving over her back and the way the muscles in his chest flexed and tensed against her breasts… and she was instantly aroused. And she blushed thinking how fortunate it was that she wasn't a guy just then cause there would had been no way in hell her/his arousal hadn't been noticeable. She also mentally cursed her nipples for hardening against his chest and had been thankful that Nick had not mentioned anything once they were back to the safety of solid ground beneath them.

As he helped her out of the safety harness, his hand had slid against her side and the sheer intensity of the feeling was enough to weaken her knees. Nick had been quick to hold her, and she couldn't help the shivers that ran up and down her whole body. She told him she was feeling a tad dizzy and he had helped her sit down and brought her some juice and had basically hovered around her until she felt she could trust her own body again. He never mentioned the incident, but she never forgot about it.

It had actually kept her awake for 3 nights in a row. She had tried testing her theory about feeling coming back and had attempted prickling with a pin, leaning close to a heat source, rubbing with a coarse loofa… and found out that all feeling she got was minimal when compared with the wave of heat and sensation his touch had provoked in her. The only explanation possible, if it wasn't her, then it meant it had to be him, or something about him, that had set all those tingling feelings.

Having no sensitivity in a large part of her body didn't mean that Sofia was incapable of sexual sensations. It just meant she felt things differently and she had to re-learn her body cues in order to experience some sort of sexual satisfaction. But it took a painstaking amount of preparation to get her ready for intercourse, and her 4 sexual encounters after the accident had left her with an overall nice feeling of physical proximity to someone other than her own hands or her own toys, but that was about it. Orgasms were something extraordinary in her life these days, and she had to be at the peak of her own sexual frustration in order to achieve one through masturbation, and in time she had even given up those attempts.

That's why having been aroused just by Nick's mere presence and barely-there touch had both elated and frightened her. Sofia remembered how being turned on to the point of lust felt like. Heck, she craved it sometimes! But she couldn't, and wouldn't, understand what it was that Nick Stokes had that made her feel that way again. She had spent far too many nights soaking in her tub, fingers tracing the outline of her scars, wanting to feel more, and wondering how it would feel like to have him touch her like that…

And now she knew. And she ought to be rejoicing, and rest assured, her whole body was a screaming hallelujah, having come 3 times in less than 30 minutes. But Fate had a twisted sense of humor, allowing her to feel more alive than what she had in years, having her remember what it felt like to be intimately surrounded and filled by a man… and having such man be repulsed by her body.

Damn Nick Stokes and his gentlemanly ways! Damned his utterly ridiculous use of an endearing term such as "baby girl"! Damned the way his mouth and hands brought her dead skin back to life! And damned the way he had made her feel loved while he was buried deep inside of her…

Nick had been watching her all this time and watched as her body shook with her silent sobs and it broke his heart. This was all his doing, his fault. He had managed to hurt her beyond reason and nothing he could say or do was ever going to make things even remotely better between them. He slowly got up, readjusting his clothes and debating as to what to do next. Leaving just now, without a word, was even more cowardice than what he had done to her. Talking didn't seem like a good option right then, given the circumstances. And that left him with virtually no choices and an almost unbearable need to do something.

Watching her shudder once more he remembered how the day had started. It seemed like weeks had gone by since they had stopped at a traffic accident, but if his wrist watch was working fine, it had only been 6 hours since then. Sofia smelled of fumes, death, hospital and sex and her whole body must have been hurting.

Nick made up his mind. He'd do one last thing for her, not as atonement, for he knew his behaviour was beyond redemption, but for her alone. He walked through the hallway, looking for the bath, and was happy to see that she did own a tub. He placed the plug in and started running her a bath. A quick scan around the room showed him where she kept the bath salts, and he dumped a generous amount in the accumulating water. He also got hold of her hair care products and placed them on the floor next to the tub. Lastly, he chose what he deemed the fluffiest, softest towel in the rack and placed it nearby.

He went back to the living room and ever so carefully, as if she were a porcelain doll too fragile and prone to breaking if not handled gently, he picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. Sofia offered no resistance and her surrendering to him like this ripped his soul in half. He vowed he'd make it better, somehow, no matter if it took him the rest of his life to make it up to her.

Nick placed her gently inside the tub and carefully removed the damaged shirt and her bra, setting them aside. Seeing she was still unresponsive, he grabbed a small plastic container and began gently wetting her in the fragrant water that now reached her waist. As if having done it a million times before, he proceeded to gently bathe her. He turned off the faucets, washed her hair with shampoo and rinsed it off, being extremely careful as to not get soapy water into her eyes. He then grabbed a soft sponge and some shower gel and proceeded to lather her back, arms, shoulders… he hesitated for a second once he reached the upper part of her chest, but decided nothing he could do then would make matters worse, so he proceeded washing her up, trying to keep his touch as asexual as possible, but his hands betrayed him twice, trembling as they lathered her nipples and then once more as he slipped the sponge between her legs.

He rinsed her off and unplugged the tub. He toweled her hair dry as the water drained and then helped her up, wrapping her in another towel. Carefully, as gentle as if he were carrying a newborn child, he picked her up and took her to her bedroom, gently sitting her on the edge of the bed. Not knowing what else to do, he reached for her hair again.

"Don't"

Nick looked at Sofia, not understanding what her "don't" meant. Don't dry my hair? Don't touch me? Don't bother? Don't hurt me? Don't ever come near me again?

Sofia had wanted to scream in frustration ever since he had picked her up from the floor. The part of her brain that was blinded with fear was almost certain he was taking her to bed, where he'd use her body once more and then discard her like a broken toy. The part that remembered that she trusted this man with her life forced her to remain still and wait to see what happened. She was shocked when she realized he was going to give her a bath, and her heart vibrated with something akin to thankfulness, as she wondered what on Earth had she done to deserve a man like Nick Stokes, who had decided to stick around instead of running for the hills.

But then he had hesitated before touching her breasts and she wanted to scream in frustration. Why, why lift her up high enough to almost touch the sky and then let her drop back to the ground without much ceremony? Why play with her like that?

And then he had touched her and she had had to bit the inside of her mouth to stop herself from whimpering and moaning and she had balled her hands into fists to prevent them for reaching out for his and keep them where her body was screaming to have them.

By the time he was done she knew she ought to stop playing possum and get over with the damsel in distress routine, but it felt so nice to be taken care of and it had been so long since anyone had done it for her that she allowed herself to be carried into the bedroom. When Nick hesitated again, reaching for her hair instead of her body, Sofia decided that the game had gone on far enough. It was time to face the music, lay her cards on the table and hope for the best, whilst waiting for the worst.

What she had meant by that don't, she would never be able to tell for sure. But she knew what she was doing when she pushed him away, stood up facing him and dropped the towel.

Nick stood there, frozen for perhaps 20 seconds, looking at her naked body. And this time it was him who felt like screaming, torn between what his body wanted and what his heart desired. He finally opened his mouth and blurted out that first thing that came to his mind.

"You're so damned beautiful…"

Xxx XXX xxX

A/N: We're slowly moving out of the angsty territory and closing in the romance one. Please let me know if you think the muse handled it nicely or if we totally screwed up.


	8. Tears and Fears

**A/N: **The muse did her happy lil dance when she found out you thought she'd done well by these two. To show her appreciation, here's the next chapter!

Xxx XXX xxX

Sofia stared at Nick open mouthed. "What did you just say?"

Nick took a step forward and held her face between his hands. "I said that you're so damned beautiful you drive me crazy."

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and right then, Sofia's eyes were a big open book for Nick to read. He saw the hope, the despair, the anger, the fear, and the resignation… desire made them darker and there was also a tiny glimmer of what he could hope was some kind of love. Nick knew his eyes mirrored the same things, and for a moment their inner demons melded and dissolved.

When it proved to be too much for her to bear, Sofia closed her eyes, and a single lonely tear rolled down her cheek. Nick brushed it away with his thumb and wrapped his arms around her body, bringing her closer to him. And although she was totally naked and he was the one fully clothed, Nick felt more vulnerable than he had ever felt. Her second tear fell on his shirt, and soon after his own were raining down her head.

They held on tight, letting go of months and years of fears and frustrations, their bodies trembling with the force of their sobs. Whenever Nick cried, and he cried more often than he cared to admit, he always felt ashamed afterwards. He didn't know if it was because he hadn't really let the pain or anger or fear or whatever emotion lay behind those tears get really out or because he felt he had no right to cry to begin with, but crying always managed to make him feel dirty and it failed to have the cleansing effect a good cry was supposed to have.

This time, however, it was different, and they both knew it. There was no shame in showing their weakest side, and it felt better than releasing all the pent up emotions in the form of rage as they had done before. It was equally energy consuming, nevertheless, and soon they both felt physically weak. Sofia sat back down on the bed, and Nick slid all the way down to the floor, keeping his head on her lap and his arms tightly wound around her waist.

When their crying was done, they remained where they were in silence. Sofia lifted her hand, hesitated for a second, and then gently placed it on his head, her fingers threading through his hair in a soothing motion. Nick closed his eyes, trying to remember when the last time he had received such a caring gesture had been, and found that he couldn't remember. The tenderness overwhelmed him, and acting on sheer impulse, he softly kissed her thigh.

He knew he had screwed up again as soon as he felt Sofia stiffen in his arms. Reality came crashing back. How could he be so stupid to think that a single act of gentleness could erase the horror of his previous behavior? He ought to be thankful that Sofia was still willing to tolerate his presence…

To Sofia, Nick's tender kiss had seared her like an iron, and she stiffened in shock. What the hell was happening to her body? She could stand under nearly boiling water without even flinching, but the mere whisper of his lips wrecked havoc in her whole nervous system. She kept her hand frozen on his head, afraid of moving it, lest it began shaking and gave her feelings away. For right that moment, all Sofia wanted was for him to kiss her again, higher up this time, and then continue kissing and nibbling and sucking until she forgot what pain felt like. She wanted Nick to remind her what pleasure felt like, again and again, until she couldn't stand it and her skin felt alive again.

But she had let fear paralyze her. She remembered what had happened when they had gotten to her apartment and she could feel her face burn with shame. Nick must think she was no better than a cheap whore, asking him to fuck her like that. And perhaps she was, indeed, one, for she couldn't remember having come so hard so fast before. She was no virgin, and she had tried her share of somewhat kinky stuff, but she had never stated her wanton so blatantly before.

Sensing her hesitation, Nick knew he had but one chance to make things better and he wasn't going to let it escape him. Sitting up, he got hold of Sofia's hands on his own, and still kneeling in front of her, he proceeded to beg her forgiveness.

"Sofia… I'm so sorry! Please forgive me… allow me to make it up to you somehow… but tell me you forgive me, cause I could never live with myself knowing I've hurt you… Please baby girl, I'm begging you…"

Nick punctuated every word with a soft kiss on her fingers and knuckles, and Sofia couldn't help but close her eyes. He turned her hands and began placing gentle kisses on her palms, and she sighed.

He grabbed her wrists with as much tenderness as possible and Sofia opened her eyes, questioningly. With his lips a mere inch away from her skin, he looked up at her.

"May I?" he asked, and her breathed "yes" granting him permission was all he needed to hear.

He began working his way up her forearm, with barely there butterfly kisses that left a trail of fire on her skin. When he reached her elbow, he moved to her other forearm, this time working his way down to her palm. He paused for the briefest of moments at her wrist, where he could feel her pulse beating, and slowly licked it.

Sofia's reaction was immediate and strong: a sharp intake of breath, followed by her pulling her arms away from him and placing them behind her. But it was the expression in her eyes that rattled Nick the most: a perfect mix of fear and desire that ripped another piece of his heart and ignited a slow-burning fire in his groin. And it must have shown in his eyes as well, for Sofia panicked, and attempted crawling back wards on the bed.

And attempt was all it was, because Nick got hold of her waist with both hands. And for what seemed an eternity they remained motionless, she half reclined on bed, him kneeling on the floor, in between her legs, his hands on her waist, their bodies too close for comfort. Nick was making a huge effort to keep his eyes fixed on her face, because he knew that if he shifted his gaze downward he'd come face to face, so to speak, with the curls that covered her pussy… and he was not going to be able to resist burying his face there.

"Please… Nick…. Don't…"

"Don't what?"

"Just… just don't… please… if you have any feelings for me… just go… leave."

"I can't, baby girl, I'm sorry but I can't. Cause if I walk away now, this will be over and all those feelings that are killing us inside are going to rot in there and then we'll be really dead. And maybe I deserve to be dead after what I did to you, but if there's something I really want right now is for you to live…"

Tears began flowing freely down her face. "But I don't want to live anymore… I'm just so… so tired… of… of wanting … and trying… and not having… and I don't want to feel anymore…. cause it hurts so bad…"

Slowly, as to not scare her, Nick let go of her waist and moved next to her in bed, gathering her in his arms. Sofia tried to struggle, but gave up before she had given in any real fight. She was too tired of fighting and holding onto anger in order to move on, and it felt so good to be held by a man again…

Nick held her as tenderly s possibly, barely kissing her forehead and her temples, allowing her to let go of all the emotions pent-up inside her. He was also tired of wanting and not having and feeling as if he were doomed to a life of solitude and misery, and after the whole "buried alive" ordeal, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was some sort of damaged goods. And it felt so damned good to be holding her in his arms, naked…

_Where the fuck had that come from? _Nick almost growled in frustration. His libido couldn't have had worst timing. Here he was, trying to earn her trust and her forgiveness and finding a way to give her what she needed… and his body chose to betray him. He tried hard not to tighten his grip on her body and not to deepen his kisses, but he was having problems controlling the way his body was reacting to hers. Sofia sensed the change in his demeanor and closed her eyes as her body responded as well. A part of her wanted, needed to talk about this before things got out of hand. The other part of her, the one that knew she wasn't good enough for any man anymore, told her to shut up and be grateful for what could very well be the last time she had sex with another person and not just herself.

She shifted until she was facing him. Gathering all her courage, she dared look up into his eyes. What she saw in there left her breathless: Nick was looking at her with both adoration and longing and she knew exactly how he felt, for she was feeling the same.

They stared into each other's eyes for what seemed an eternity, and little by little their faces drew closer and closer, until Nick's lips were almost on hers.

"May I?" he whispered, once more begging for her permission, and Sofia couldn't help but marvel at the contrast of his courteous ways winning over her heart and his hot breath driving her mad with desire. And since words were unnecessary, she answered him by closing the gap between them.

Nick tried his best to keep it as tender and gentle as possible, a soft caress of his lips on hers, but her urgency got to him and when her tongue slid inside his mouth he surrendered. He decided he'd allow her to set the pace if that gave her the sense of confidence she desperately seemed to need… he'd long passed the point where he had given up on all hopes of walking out of her place and go back to his former life. And as much as it scared him to admit it, he wouldn't have it any other way. He could try to rationalize and explain it by claiming it was the sex; that no man in his right mind would walk away from such a great lay. But Nick Stokes wasn't like every other guy and he'd certainly beat the living shit out of anyone who'd ever tried to define Sofia Curtis as merely a great lay.

In the meantime, four hands had been just as busy as two mouths, roaming all over their bodies. The fact that he was still fully dressed whilst she wasn't had become a huge turn one for Sofia, who wanted to find out every single spot that made Nick squirm and moan. And how she longed to hear him moan her name, even if it was just once! It would be the biggest reward she'd ever get, and a memory she'd treasure forever.

Nick had not been idle, either, as his fingers had been tracing the ridges of every single scar, memorizing them, registering which ones were more responsive to his touch than others. He delighted in the knowledge that he had been right about hers breasts, that they fit his hands perfectly, and her nipples… dear God, her nipples had been made for oral worshipping…

Sofia began feeling restless, and the seemingly eternal sexual dry spell she had been living the last few years did nothing for her patience. Her hands moved to his jeans waistband, making a beeline for his cock which she could feel straining against her thighs. But Nick grabbed her by the wrists and pulled her hands away. Freeing them from his grip, she pushed herself away from him. A troubled expression on her face, she didn't know what to make out of the whole thing. Nick was turned on, the way he was breathing, the lil sounds he made when she touched his nipples in a certain way, the possessive way in which he took her lower lip between his, the clearly outlined bulge in his jeans… all the signs were there, so what was going on? The fact that he had sat up and slung his legs to the side of the bed was filling her with dread.

"Nick?"

He was now standing next to the bed, facing her.

"Yes, Sofia?"

Sofia. No "baby girl" this time around. She could feel the tears stinging and she bit her lip to prevent them from escaping her eyes.

"I thought… I mean… aren't we going to… ah… have sex?"

"No"

Sofia cringed and closed her eyes, balling her hands into fists. Anger flames began licking at her soul again.

"Is it the scars?"

Silence.

"Is it the fact that I'm an emotional mess?"

Silence again. Sofia was afraid to open her eyes and confirm her suspicions that he had left the room, the house, her life...

"DAMNIT, Nick Stokes, answer me!"

She was startled when Nick sat next to her, on her side of the bed. She opened her eyes and gasped. He had removed his shirt and his naked torso was hovering over her, and Sofia was having a hard time grasping it all.

"Nick? What..?"

He gently placed a finger on her lips. "No sex for us, baby girl. Tonight I'm going to make love to every inch of your body. Your perfect, unique, irresistible, hot body. And I'm planning to do the same tomorrow night. And the night after that. And the next one. And every night you allow me to do so…"

Xxx XXX xxX

**A/N: ** Are our heroes heading for a "happily ever after" after all? Is Nick's love confession going to be enough to convince Sofia? And why did she gasp when she saw him bare-chested? Where do you think this is going?


	9. Fire

**A/N: **Hmmm… seems like most of you want a "happily ever after". I'll have to get back at ya on that one. Honorary mention for SaraLou for suggesting Nick has Sofia's name tattooed above his heart!

Xxx XXX xxX

Sofia just laid there, mouth open, without knowing what to say or think. Nick had just delivered the most beautiful, romantic, soul shattering speech she'd ever heard, and the best her brain had come up with so far was _Huh?_, which she was absolutely certain was not an adequate response.

But she just couldn't stop gazing at his naked torso. She was so engrossed with it that she had failed to register that it wasn't the only part of him that was naked until he stood up. Nick Stokes dressed was a sight for sore eyes. But naked… Sofia's mouth went dry just imagining running her hands and tongue all over him: sculpted, chiseled, muscled, bulging, toned… all those adjectives fit perfectly, and yet failed to do him any real justice. In one word, he was just perfect…

Save for the dozens of angry red marks that covered his body.

Sofia sat up in bed and carefully inspected them. Nick stood still, hands on his sides, eyes closed in order to give her whatever encouragement she might need. She got up and stood closer to him. Tiny red circular scars began at his collarbone, some of them stood alone, some of them in groups of 8 or 9. They ran over his shoulders and unto his upper arms. They speckled his chest and abdominal area and seemed to clutter around his waist and hips, and there was a particularly big concentration near his crotch, huddled so close together they looked like one big purplish welt. A few more splotches ran down his thighs and calves and there was another big clutter around his left ankle. Sofia craned her neck to check his back, and, sure enough, it had its share of markings as well.

They weren't the typical scars left behind by a childhood disease, or by a severe and acute case of acne. It seemed too extreme to be an allergic reaction, and they definitively didn't look like birthmarks. She absentmindedly began running her finger, circling the one mark closer to his right nipple and Nick shuddered.

"How?" she asked simply.

Nick sighed. She was the first one to have ever asked that question. But then again, she had been the first woman he'd allowed to see him like this.

"Fire ants"

"But… I thought… they gave you several treatments at the hospital… and the bites on your face and hands cleared…" Sofia covered her mouth with one hand, aware that she had spoken without clearly thinking of the consequences.

Nick noticed the gesture and gently pulled her hand away. "They did. And the ones on my face and hands and forearms did clear up nicely because they didn't get infected. The rest… well, I guess I writhed too much and the friction with my clothes did a nice job breaking up the pustules. Being covered in dirt and doused with chemical agents also helped. And by the time I got to the hospital there was little the doctors could do about it, except prevent the infection from spreading."

Sofia ran a hand over his chest, causing him to shudder once more. "There's always laser removal surgery, Nick… you don't have to live with the scars…"

Nick gave out a bitter laugh. Not live with the scars? He was scarred both inside and out, damaged goods really, and the fact that he slept with a pistol under his pillow wasn't due to training or paranoia, but rather the awaiting of his frustration to overcome his will to live… peace and quiet just one shot away.

"Oh, I don't think I'll have them removed. They go along quite nicely with the nightmares and the hyper-sensibility to insect bites. All three of them guaranteed to last until I die or I blow my brains out, whichever happens first"

The sting of her hand slapping him across the face was unexpected.

"Snap out of it!" She yelled to his face.

"Since when did you start channeling Cher? Besides, you got the wrong Nicholas…"

"Since when did you become a suicidal idiot?"

"Since when do you care that much?"

Sofia gave out an exasperated sigh and gave him a shove that sent him backwards towards the bed. She stood in front of him, hands on her hips, fuming, and Nick would have felt slightly afraid of what she might have to say had she not been naked. Having her breasts heaving less than a foot away from his face made it difficult to be really afraid of her.

"How long have you been considering it?" she demanded, and he made a huge effort to focus his attention to her face.

He debated on whether or not to be honest with her. It had been a long struggle, nearly two years, and he was tired of putting on his Pollyanna act for everyone around him. He was tired of being burdened by all the negative feelings and not be able to share them with anyone, lest they locked him in the loony bin and threw the key away for good, which, on second thought, wasn't such a bad idea to begin with…

"Since I realized I was buried alive and had a gun with me…"

Sofia felt her eyes growing moist. So it had been true, the rumors she had heard. Grissom had made sure the video feed of his ordeal was destroyed, but it had been filtered through the grapevine that he had, once or twice, put the barrel to his head. Not that anyone thought any less of him for it. Quite the opposite, actually. Most officers respected Nick a great deal, all of them agreeing they wouldn't have made it out alive, and that it took some real courage to survive something like that.

"Why?"

The question was asked so softly that for a moment Nick wasn't sure she had said anything at all. But she kept looking at him with those eyes that seemed to peer right through him and straight into his soul and he was afraid once more of letting anyone como close enough to hurt him again, so he chose to hide behind anger and sarcasm.

"Why do you want to know? What is it to you anyway? If I recall correctly you wanted me to get the fuck out of your life… or was it to get the fuck of your life? Please explain to me what kind of moral ground you have to question my actions when yours aren't that great to begin with, and I'm not sure I'm the only one here with a deranged love affair with their gun. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!"

Nick watched Sofia's eyes grow darker and he instantly regretted his words. She surprised him by laughing out loud.

"We're truly fucked up, did you know that Nick Stokes? I'm actually starting to believe we deserve one another..."

She was silent for a moment, as if considering what her next words were going to be.

"So…" she said, her tone almost conversationally, "Fuck now and blow our brains out later? Or just fuck our brains out, then I kick you out and we both end our miserable lives in solitude?"

Nick looked down, ashamed of his outburst and unsettled by her own poisonus words, but Sofia wasn't going to let him off the hook so easily. She grabbed his hair and pulled down, hard, until he was facing her. "What's it going to be, Nick? Huh? What's it going to be?"

Before she had a chance to react, Nick quickly grabbed her around the waist and threw her in bed, pinning her down with his own body, holding her wrists above her head.

"What was it that you said about fucking, Curtis?" he growled next to her ear, making her shudder in fear and desire.

They stared at each other for a long time, breathing hard out of rage and arousal, each making an extraordinary effort to keep their gaze fixed in the other's eyes. It wasn't a matter of giving up or surrendering in front of the other, but a matter of not doing so to desire. Nick knew that the moment he looked at her mouth he was going to be a goner, since all the anger and fear had transformed to lust and it was running wild through his veins, setting every inch of his body in contact with hers on fire, and he was hanging to his self control by barely threads.

_Please, please, please, dear God, I want her so badly, but I don't want a repeat of what happened earlier… _

In the end, it was Sofia who doomed them. Maybe Nick could have withstood the feelings provoked by her foot running up and down his calf, or the way she subtly shifted her hips underneath his. He might have even resisted the warm breath of her mouth trailing its way to his ear. But he simply wasn't able to fight anymore when she whispered in his ear.

"Make love to me, Nick."

Xxx XXX xxX

**A/N: ** Admit it. You love this roller coaster and you love my cliffies!

**A/N2: ** For those of you who never saw "Moonstruck", the best known scene in that movie is Cher slapping Nicholas Cage and demanding he "snap out of it"


	10. Love making

**A/N: **And now, the end is near… or is it?

Xxx XXX xxX

Nick stood frozen for a second. He wanted to make sure he'd heard right, that this is what Sofia wanted, that this… _Oh fuck it!_ he finally told himself. Letting go of her wrists, he framed her face in his hands and kissed her. Hard, deep, passionate and tender and every other emotion in between, his mouth on hers was painting a whole canvas of feelings and it made them both dizzy. Not that either of them cared. Their lips sought one another time and time again, closely followed by their teeth and their tongues, in a dance of desire and need.

Sofia had been kissed before, hundreds of times. She had been kissed out of passion and out of love; she had been kissed on a whim and to fulfill a bet. She had been kissed in happy times and in sad days. She had even been stolen a kiss on a rainy day many years ago.

But she had never been kissed like this.

Nick's kisses seemed to be giving her life with every breath they took away. His hands on her face and her hair and her shoulders seemed to awaken her from a long slumber she didn't know she had been living… if what she had done until then could be called living. Her whole body felt like a fine-tuned instrument reaching its prime, and she wondered if it would be consider normal to have an orgasm just by kissing Nick Stokes.

He was having epiphanies of his own as well, and wondered, among other things, that if happiness could be measured in kisses he was right then and there the happiest man on Vegas, the US, the world… He also wondered, no, he didn't wonder, he KNEW, that this is what love felt like and that he had been dead but now he was alive, and that his previous death had nothing to do with a box buried in the desert. Just kissing her, touching her, was making him more alive than he had ever felt, and he wondered what he had done to deserve this second chance at life and he vowed to make everything humanly possible to keep it, forever if possible.

But soon limiting their kissing to their mouths alone wasn't enough, and Nick began kissing her cheeks and chin, running the tip of his tongue alongside her jaw, reaching her earlobes and nibbling on them as well, and then nibbling and suckling his way down her throat, to the place where he felt a pulse, and he latched his mouth there, sucking, rejoicing on feeling her come to life with each passing heartbeat, each one faster than the last one. His hands had skimmed down her shoulders to her breasts, and he was filling his hands with them, fulfilling his own desires as well.

Nick had always been self-conscious about his hands, knowing his palms were rough and calloused from his youth years working as ranch aid during summers. He wasn't ashamed of the fact that he had done labor work, quite the opposite actually, but one of the first girls he had been intimate with in college had complained about the rough touch and since then he had been reluctant to grab breasts open-handedly, turning the experience into something coveted and desired, but off-limits if he wanted to get to third base or more. For years, wrapping his hands around a woman's breasts, grasping the nipples between his knuckles, rubbing and kneading… those had become his fetishes, his fantasies.

Sofia, on the other hand, sorely missed the sensibility she used to have on her breasts and nipples. She remembered all too well how Erick used to blow on them as she watched them pucker and harden and that's all the stimuli she needed. After she was burned, however, the response had been almost non-existent, needing extensive amount of suckling to achieve it. So maybe Nick knew what he was doing, maybe she had recovered some sensibility in the last few years, or maybe it had been so long since she last made love that she was over stimulated, but damned… it felt great to have her breasts treated like that… and where had he learned that trick with his knuckles?

Just when she thought she'd die from the sensation alone, Nick added his mouth to the sweet torture he was regaling her with. Moving his right hand to her hips, he quickly replaced it with his tongue, twirling it around the hardened flesh, lapping it up and finally sucking on it while his left hand continued ministering her other breast and the one on her hips was tracing lazy circles around the ridges and contours of her scarred skin there. The emotions boiling inside Sofia were soon too much to be kept inside and her low moaning soon turned to something more guttural, more primal… more urgent, as she whipped her head from side to side on the pillow, her fingers digging deep on his shoulders.

"Oh God… oh fuck…oh Nick… I wanna… Nick, Nick, Nick… oh dear God…. Please, please, please I wanna… GOD NICK YESSSSS…."

Nick thought he'd just come listening to her say his name THAT way, watching her writhe and moan. Sofia was surrendering, and she was surrendering to him, and it was so fucking hot and sexy that it was making his balls ache with the need of release. But she'd asked him to make love to her, and that's what he intended to do, even if it meant torturing himself in the process… his whole body was screaming to be inside of her, to feel her contract and spasm around him, to feel loved by her…

"Please oh Nick please Nick oh Nick please, please, please…."

And please her he would. How could he not? He was hers, to do as she commanded, the rest be damned. Sofia began pulling him upward, pushing with his hips as well, in an unmistakable message: she wanted him inside of her, she wanted him now, she needed him now. And as much as Nick wanted to please her in every way, there was one thing he wasn't willing to give up, one single thing he was planning on doing just for himself, the only thing he wouldn't be able to deny himself, even if he had promised this time around it was all about her.

Holding her hands on his own and placing them at their sides, he began to kiss his way downwards, letting his tongue drift where his fingers had traced before, dipping into her belly button…

"God Nick…"

… softly biting on the gentle feminine curve of her lower belly…

"Nick, please…"

… gently kissing the curls, nudging them with his nose, blowing on them, willing them to part and show him what treasures were beneath them…

"Please, Nick…. Stop"

His head snapped up, intent questioning gaze focusing on her watery blue orbs. "Am I doing something wrong?"

Sofia felt her heart break at the genuine concern and worry she heard in his voice and saw in his eyes. How could she explain to him her reasons without having him get up from her bed and out of her life for ever? How to tell the man you love, for she was certain now that she loved him, that she wasn't… that her body wasn't… that he wouldn't…

"No" she whispered, pleading at him with her eyes to understand and not ask any more questions.

But he was not only an investigator, he was also a man intent on making his woman, for he considered Sofia his and his alone, experience toe-curling pleasure before they were finally joined. Therefore, he simply couldn't let this go.

"Is there something about oral sex you don't like?" he asked softly, his fingers gently massaging her arms.

Sofia felt like crying out in frustration. Not like oral sex? God she had loved it, she could forgo all foreplay except her lover going down on her. But that was… before. And for the first time in seven years she was regretting not having had that reconstructive surgery…

She closed her eyes in defeat, no longer able to withstand his gaze upon her.

"I… no… but I… Nick…" she took a deep breath and decided to risk it all. "I just don't want you to see what's left of me… there…"

Understanding dawned on Nick, and his heart went out to her… for her… and he swore he'd find a way to make it better.

"Did you like it when your lovers kissed your inner thighs?"

A mute nod…

"Did it feel good to have their lips on your labia, kissing it as if it were your mouth?"

A shiver….

"Did you enjoy the feel of their tongue as they tasted your juices?"

A whimper…

"Did it drive you crazy when they used to lick and suck your clit?"

A moan…

"Will you come hard when I fuck you with my tongue?"

The thrust of her hips was all the answer he needed. Placing his hands on her hips, he lowered his head and gave her an open mouthed kiss on her curls. Then another one, lower this time. And another one, closer to her entrance. He closed his eyes, and guided solely by her scent and taste, he began to lap her up.

Intoxicated. Exhilarated. That was the only way he could describe what he felt the moment he tasted her. By the second lapping he was already addicted, and by the time he began to suck in earnest, he knew he'd never get enough of her, not in this lifetime anyway.

Nick opened his eyes, not changing his pace, and not sure of what he'd find. His heart skipped a beat for a moment, and he wished for a split second that Hollows was alive and rotting in some prison so he could go and slowly kill him with his bare hands if necessary. To have marred something so beautiful…

Scars criss-crossed her outer labia. Where her inner labia ought to have been, there was just a jumble of shapeless tissue, the clit hood seared shut. The surgeon at the time had focused more on functionality, merely clearing the way around her openings, thinking that later on he'd have the chance to work on aesthetics… or pleasure points. Her clit was merely a small knob of flesh that at the moment seemed to bulge, but it was completely out of the reach of his tongue.

But not of his fingers. Without missing a single stroke of his tongue, he carefully positioned his thumb on top of it and gently began to massage it. Sofia's cry was all confirmation he needed that he was doing something right, and he kept on going until her hips were buckling against his face, her thighs were clamped around his head and his name was being said with a husky reverence that made his cock throb painfully. And he would have continued with genuine gusto, had she not yanked him up by the hair.

"No more. No more. Please..." she begged as she held on tight to him. "Too much… too fucking much… oh God I never thought I'd feel so much again… oh God Nick…"

He wrapped his arms around her, his hand gently caressing her hair, soft kisses to her forehead. He could feel her trembling body spasm and shake and he allowed her to calm down. He remembered, right after his rescue, how oversensitive his skin was, to the point where he couldn't stand the feel of his clothes against it, or the rivulets of water running down his body in the shower. It was weeks before he could stop cringing when someone at the lab came in close contact to him. So unbearable in fact, that it had been 10 months before he tried having sex again. And even then, he could only manage the slam-bang-thanks ma'am variety. So he knew how she felt.

And not for the first time, he marveled at what a seemingly perfect match they made, as fucked up as it sounded. Perhaps it was really true that it took one to know one…

Sofia's hot trail of kisses running down his neck and unto his chest brought him back to the present. A second trail, this one from her nails, was running up and down his back, and he shuddered. Her tongue flicked against his left nipple and he whimpered. Her mouth got hold of it and began to suck on it and he moaned her name out loud. Her hands grabbed his ass and squeezed hard, pulling him closer to her and he groaned and writhed. Her hands moved to the front, actively seeking his erection, but he stopped her.

"I want to…"

"Please… don't…."

"I need to…"

"If you do it… if you touch me…"

"I want to taste you… I want to make you come in my mouth…"

Nick closed his eyes, as if resisting temptation. Each word she said made him whimper, the mere thought of her doing it… it was going to be his undoing, and he knew it. Sofia wasn't the only one who had issues when it came to oral sex. And as much as he loved blow jobs, fire ants had left him a bit on the quick trigger side of things, which was not only utterly embarrassing at his age, but also deeply frustrating as, more often than not, it took him a killing-mood long time to get ready for round two, making sex something of an either-or situation in the past year.

And damned if their lovemaking was going to be cut short by his shortcomings, shameful pun intended.

"Baby girl… you're not the only with sensibility issues here... and as soon as you touch me with that mouth of yours I'm going to die and go to heaven… and probably stay there for a day or two…" he kissed her softly on her lips, silently praying for her understanding. "Besides, you asked me to make love to you… and I'm not done doing that…"

Sofia moaned into the kiss, once more lighting the fire within them, as they kissed and caressed and licked and bit and scratched and worked themselves into a frenzy of passion and desire.

"I want… you… inside of me… now… please…" she moaned and whimpered.

Nick wanted it as badly, but he kept his control for a moment longer. This had been all about her, about making her feel good, making her feel loved, making her feel wanted… desired… and that's how he wanted it to end as well.

"Tell me how you want it, Sofia" he murmured against her skin, "Tell me and I'll give it to you… anything you ask… anything for my baby girl…"

Sofia didn't answer for fear of choking up on her words. No one, not even Erick, had made her feel as loved as Nick was making her feel and she thought her heart would burst inside her chest out of sheer pleasure and happiness. But she did manage to slide underneath him, wrapping his arms around his back and her legs around his, grinding her hips against his, hoping he understood her meaning and was pleased with her choice.

Nick was not disappointed by it; quite the opposite. It just seemed the right and logical choice for this coupling, their first love making. There was plenty of time for experimenting later on and if the sex they had had on her living room earlier that day was any indication of it, their sex life would be anything but boring. That's why he was so adamant in making their love making even more memorable. Holding her by the hips, he positioned himself at the entrance, and using all the self control he had left, which wasn't much to begin with, he slowly slid inside her, all the way in, and then he stood still for a moment, relishing the feel of them together like this.

"Perfect" he sighed and her moan replicated the feeling. Letting go of her hips, he rested his forearms on the bed next to her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her once more, his chest flush against hers, their tongues sliding in and out of their mouths and soon enough their hips were mimicking the movement. Sofia's hands wove gentle patterns on his back, as she whispered and moaned his name. Soon the need for more overcame them, and she grabbed his ass, pulling him harder against her and Nick upped the speed and strength of his pumping.

And too soon, it seemed, they reached their peak of need. Sofia's nails were digging deeper on his flesh, desire fueling her voice as she moaned next to his ear. "Oh God yes Nick… God yes… don't' stop, don't' stop… oh there, there… harder please oh God yes…"

Nick was barely holding back and he didn't even attempt to think of baseball or crime scenes. He was making love to his baby girl, and he didn't want to miss a single fucking thing of it. That's why he felt, rather than heard when she whispered against his chest, in between moans and whimpers.

"God, I love you Nick…."

She shuddered, close to the brink, and both things combined sent him reeling over the edge. He started pumping away, his hands holding unto her shoulders so he could go in even deeper and he screamed her name when he finally came. He managed a couple more weak thrusts, aware she wasn't still there with him, but the feeling of his orgasm was all she needed to explode in hers.

He tried moving away, but she begged him to stay inside of her for as long as possible. And who was he to deny his baby girl anything? They rocked their hips together, as if slow dancing horizontally, and allowed themselves to delve in the afterglow, holding unto each other.

Sofia had avoided looking at him, feeling insecure. She was perfectly aware that she had blurted out her true feelings, and she was also painfully aware that he hadn't responded in kind. She felt him moving away, still holding her in his arms, but widening the distance between their bodies, and looked up in time to see the worried look on his face, the troubled expression that clouded his dark eyes. She also noticed how he was biting the inside of his mouth and the way he furrowed his forehead, as if undecided as to how to go about what came next.

And when it did, it was totally unexpected.

"I fucking hate you, Sofia Curtis…"

Xxx XXX xxX

**A/N: **

What did you expect? It's ME writing this! Just sex, angst and rocking cliffhangers…

Worry not, the muse know EXACTLY where this is headed this time around.

Patience, Iagos.


	11. Reasons to hate

Xxx XXX xxX

Sofia just stared at him, shocked. She hadn't been expecting a marriage proposal after what had happened, but neither was she prepared to hear the word "hate" spitting out from his lips. She could feel the sting of tears behind her eyes, and a much deeper pain somewhere inside of her. She didn't regret having opened up her heart and expressing her feelings out loud: what she regretted is that, seemingly once more, she had picked up the wrong guy to do so.

She tried freeing herself from his arms, but he held on tight.

"Let me go" she ordered as she struggled against him.

"Not until I finish talking."

His eyes were sparkling with such intensity that, for a moment, Sofia felt afraid. Given his kind nature and gentle ways it was easy to forget that Nick was a man who was physically very strong, who had a steel-like will and a stubborn character. A man who could be then gentlest of souls while holding a baby and the meanest bad ass when dealing with criminals. And judging by the way this situation was developing, Sofia had the nagging feeling she was about to meet the bad ass side of Nick Stokes in an up close and personal way. So she stopped struggling.

Nick noticed her settle down and took a deep breath. He knew what he wanted to say, he just wasn't sure how to go about saying it. He had never meant to say out loud what he had been thinking; it got blurted out before he even realized what he had done.

Now he better do something quick, before he lost the only thing worth living for in his life.

"I hate you. I hate to feel this way. I hate the fact that you've made me care. I hate the idea of walking out of that door and not knowing if I'll ever be able to feel this way again. I hate that you've put my whole damn perspective of life upside down. Do you have any idea just how vulnerable you make me feel?"

Sofia listened, trying to make sense of what he was saying. It was terrifying to see her own feelings mirrored like this, knowing exactly what the other was feeling and yet not being able to imagine how it felt from his perspective. They both had had more less happy lives before Fate decided to take them out for a spin. And when Fate got bored with them, they got dumped back to normal, except that normal was anything but.

"The first time I was back in the field, there was some sort of bug on my truck. A beetle or a roach or something. I don't remember. All I knew then was that it crawled on my naked arm and I panicked. Irrationally panicked. I squashed it and freaked and wondered if I had lost my mind. I didn't sleep in two days for fear of another insect coming near me…"

Sofia gave him a sad smile. She knew about freaking out and not sleeping. She remembered the first day she was finally on her own, going to do something as mundane as the grocery shopping, realizing her car's tank was nearly empty and getting to a gas station. The smell of gasoline hit her as soon as she opened the door and she shut it close. She refused to even roll the window down for the attendant. After 25 minutes locked inside her car, her panic attack receded enough for her to call Brass and ask him to pick her up. To this day, she still felt uncomfortable getting gas.

"I began taking out my gun every morning and placing it next to me in bed. I told myself that it was for protection, but deep down I knew I was just kidding myself. The gun was there, waiting for the day when I'd wake up screaming from my nightmares and decided it wasn't worth it anymore. And then we had to solve that cult case…"

Sofia remembered it. It hadn't been an easy case, with all those people dying in such a senseless way.

"I had to go underground, to the vault where the bodies were. And I froze. It took all my will to make me walk down the stairs and I hated Grissom for not realizing it. He could have kept me on the perimeter and sent Greg down there, but he chose not and I hated him for it. Then I began thinking that maybe it was that he was trying to do the whole "get back in the saddle after being thrown by the horse" psychology crap and I didn't' feel so bad. Until it dawned on me that he simply hadn't crossed his mind that the situation could affect me in any way. I was so mad… and then insecurities kicked in and I began thinking that I'd be better off dead, given that the people who supposedly cared for me didn't give a rat's ass about me at all."

Nick felt both liberated by finally saying out loud what he had thought about the rest of his team mates. But he also felt like a traitor for doing so. He had no right to doubt them, or their feelings for him, and yet he had done so, many times, as he lay awake on his bed, his hand resting against the comforting shape of his pistol.

"When they told me I had to go check out the break-in at the vet's clinic, I was hoping it was Brass or Vega or maybe a local unknown who was working the case so I could behave like an ass and get kicked out of it. I wanted to hit someone out of frustration so badly that even a rookie patrolman on his first day would have gotten it has he looked at me for a second too long."

"So that was what was bugging you?"

Nick looked sharply at her, and she was quick to add: "No pun intended. Sorry."

She smiled at him and he sighed. "There. You did it again."

"Did what?" she asked, puzzled.

"That disarm-me-with-a-smile thing you do. You did the same thing that day, remember? One minute I was still seething and seeing red and the next… the next I was getting lost in your blue eyes and your luminous smile."

"If I recall correctly, you were smiling as well."

"That was the first real smile I had felt since leaving the hospital."

"Actually… seeing you smile made me very happy…"

And even though they had spent a good part of the afternoon making love, and even though she had already told him she loved him, hearing her say that his smile made her happy filled Nick's heart with warmth and hope. He might have been a hopeless romantic, but he didn't really believe in happily-ever-afters. His parents had been together for 45 years, give or take, and they had had their share of ups and downs… more often downs than ups, but Nick was aware that they were more the exception than the rule. He didn't see himself as the marrying type, either, which only left the hope of finding someone who could share bits and pieces of their lives whenever they could steal a moment or two. So far, however, the search had been fruitless, and if Warrick's marriage was any indicator, it was probably moot as well.

"Seeing you made me happy. You make me think that at least someone out there cared if I lived or died, and I was happy."

Nick paused for a second, wondering if he should put all his cards on the table or save a few aces up his sleeve. Deciding he had nothing to loose, he continued talking.

"So happy, in fact, that I began on working out enough courage to ask you out…"

"You… what?"

"I wanted to ask you out. As in a date; nothing fancy or elaborate, just dinner on our day off, and maybe a drink or two at a lounge. But then I overheard Mandy teasing you about your secretive calls from Boulder and I got cold feet…"

Sofia regarded him with tenderness. "In a way, I'm glad you didn't ask me. I'd probably have turned you down. But not for the reason you think. The so called secretive calls were from the reconstructive clinic in Boulder my mother forced me to visit while I was there. She has a hard time taking no for an answer, so she had the clinic on my case until I threatened to sue them for harassment…"

"Oh. I thought you had met someone there and… well. And then… when Officer Bell's inquiry took place…"

He couldn't finish the idea. It was the same thing when people around him mentioned his kidnapping. It's not something you come right out and say without making everyone involved uncomfortable. Plus he was ashamed of the way he had behaved then. Granted, the official word was to keep a distance from both suspect detectives until the whole thing was cleared, but that didn't mean he had to give her the cold shoulder or actively avoid her, which was what he had done. A small part of him had assuaged his conscience telling himself that her mystery suitor would fly in from Boulder and keep her company. When no suitor came, and the case was closed, Nick felt both ashamed and delighted. She was single, but he had behaved like a cad. No way in hell he stood a chance of asking her out… heck, he wasn't worthy of asking her out.

Sofia broke the uncomfortable silence bringing the story back to him. "But you were doing better. You had saved Cassie, you got yourself a dog… met a werewolf…"

Nick scoffed at that one.

"Yeah, right, what every police officer must have in their lives. And every now and then I saw a pair of blue eyes that made me smile just because, so I guess you can say I was doing better. Then the whole Kelly Gordon fiasco blew up in my face and I snapped. I made up my mind, as soon as I got into the Tahoe, that this was it. And then you got into the truck and told me you admired me for being so brave…"

Sofia closed her eyes and remembered the scene. She didn't feel good about how things had ended and was a bit surprised at how calmly everyone on the team had seemed. How could they believe that just by saying that it was over, it was so? She had gone looking for Nick as soon as she was done giving her report to the ME's, and the look on his face made her weary: it was a cold, empty blank. And for the first time since she'd met him, Sofia wondered what made Nick Stokes the man he was. She wouldn't have managed to stay trapped in that coffin for more than two hours… surviving as long as he had had to take all the courage in the world and she admired him for that. And she had told him so.

"And you telling me that, it just blew me away. There I was, deciding whether or not to leave a note and to whom to address it, deciding whether to do it at home or drive to the middle of desert, and you got into the Tahoe with those big baby blue eyes of yours and seemingly out of nowhere you come out and tell me you admire me! And then you had the gall to squeeze my arm and leave… Do you have any idea how long had it been since I had been touched like that?"

He stopped talking in order to catch his breath. Sofia opened her mouth as if to say something, but he quickly held two fingers to her lips. If he stopped now, he would never say what he had to in order to find peace.

"I didn't kill myself that day because of you."

His confession hung between them, heavy and filled with meaning, and Sofia's tears finally overflowed, slowly sliding down her cheeks. She was amazed at the burden this man had been carrying with him…

"Why?" she asked softly.

"I don't know. I guess I thought that if someone who wasn't that close to me could feel a little sympathy towards me I wasn't such a despicable being after all. And you gave me a glimmer of hope."

Nick gently wiped away the tears that were still rolling down her cheeks, and he could feel his spilling down as well, but he didn't care. He'd finally reached the point where he couldn't keep everything bottled up inside him anymore, lest he finally imploded.

"Every morning, for the past 2 years, I've gone home and held my gun in my hands and talked me into ending things. But I'm such a fucking coward I never did. And as twisted as it may sound, I found comfort in the idea that I had that option, that if things got really that bad I could actually put an end to it all…"

Sofia tried pulling him closer to her, in an attempt to comfort him, but he wouldn't have any of it. He wasn't done with his story, and if he stopped now, he'd never heal for real. Just scab over and over again, but no real healing.

"And every morning of those 2 years I kept finding reasons to postpone the inevitable one more day. I had promised Cassie I'd go to her birthday party. My youngest sister gave birth and I promised to fly to Austin to meet my newest niece as soon as I could. I had yet to find the guts to ask a certain blue-eyed detective for a drink…" Sofia punched him playfully upon hearing the last reason. Deep down, though, it wasn't so playful: knowing that she had been one of the reasons he hadn't shot himself was perhaps too much of a burden for her to bear just yet.

"Be serious" she admonished him.

"I am being serious. I've spent a long time walking the line between finding reason to kill myself and finding reason to not do it. Until today. Today you took away my options…"

"Took away? What do you mean took…?"

"Ripped out. Obliterated. Completely destroyed. Give it the name you want. Bottom line is, I can't go back to thinking I can kill myself whenever I can, because that ain't true anymore. I wouldn't be able to put a gun to my head and think about your blue eyes and still be able to pull the trigger. You took away the only comfort I had, the only thing that kept me sane in my own mad world, and I ought to hate you for it…"

Nick took her face in his hands and stared into her eyes.

"But I can't. I can't hate you. I wish I could, but I can't. You've turned my fucked up life upside down and I don't even know if I like it or not. You've made me ashamed of myself, showed me what a weakling I am, you got me wanting you like a madman, you have me half-crazy in lust… I really, really ought to hate you, Sofia Curtis."

Sofia felt a lump on her throat and she tried to gulp it down. The mixed signals he was sending her way were driving her crazy and insecurities were attacking her on every flank.

"And I better start hating you real soon, cause I'm starting to fall in love with you like I've never loved anyone in my entire sorry life and it hurts so friggin' much to just think about it…"

This time around, it was Sofia who lifted her hand to his lips to quiet him.

"Don't think."

"But…"

"Shh. We'll take it one day at a time. No promises. No tomorrows. Okay?"

He nodded his head.

"One day at a time."

He pulled her closer to him.

"Is it okay to say I love you today?"

Sofia nodded and smiled shyly, yet encouragingly.

"Is it okay to say I need you today?"

She nodded again.

"Is it okay for me to make love to you again… right now?"

This time around, she pulled him down for a kiss. Let him figure the answer himself.

Xxx XXX xxX

**A/N: **Epilogue coming up next. Sadly, all good and not so good things come to an end, this story included. Muse is taking orders, btw. Anything you'd like to see in the epilogue, type now or keep it for the next story.


	12. Epilogue

**A/N: **And we've reach the end. Thanks to everyone who's been kind enough to supply the muse with ideas. What a ride it was! From happily ever after (wedding, picket fence house and 2.4 kids included) to die in a car crash on the way to the chapel to have either one of them dump the other or die on the other or something equally disturbing. My muse loves you all!

Xxx XXX xxX

Could I fly around the world if my wings were really broke?  
And see so clearly drowning in _**grey smoke**_?  
I've got to stay quiet, but there's so much to say  
If I could feel my arms I'd push it all away  
I know there is a future and the best is still to come  
When all I have are feelings 

Why am I always wishing

That a moment was really like an hour?  
That every penny that I earn could balance out the dollar?  
Something that's spent on patience would make me patron saint  
You know I might be ordained today I guess I'll have to wait

Hurry up and wait

Gotta break it out. Gonna turn the lights on. See what's there for me  
Take a look around with an open shutter  
There's a world to see

"Numb"

Dog Eat Dog

Xxx XXX xxX

Nick Stokes lay with his eyes closed, but that didn't hinder him from knowing what was coming. He could recognize her footsteps now, no matter what she was wearing. And she was wearing heels, by the sound of it. The ankle kitten heels boots, actually. He knew better, but he kept his eyes closed until the footsteps had reached his side, hoping that she'd take a hint. She didn't.

"Hello Gorgeous", he drawled, eyes still stubbornly closed.

"Very funny, Barbra. Very funny. Now stop playing possum and open your eyes."

He did as ordered. Experience had shown him that Sofia Curtis was not a woman who was big on patience once she had issued an order. She was, in fact, quite bossy, and Nick couldn't say he didn't like that trait in her. A brief flashback of him cuffed to her bedpost, her wearing thigh high boots, crossed his mind and he smiled at the memory.

"And wipe off that smirk while you're at it, cowboy."

Yep, bossy indeed.

"What the hell were you thinking, Nicky? What part of "suspect is armed and dangerous, proceed with caution" didn't you get?" He tried to answer but she cut him off with a warning look. "You always have to play the hero, don't you? Why do I even bother?"

Sofia raised her hands in defeat, acknowledging that the whole point was moot from start.

"Cause you love me. And you want me. And you think I'm sexy…"

"Careful there Stokes, don't start messing with Mr. Stewart. And I haven't said I love you today…"

"If I recall correctly it was well after midnight last time you said it. Actually, you screamed it… or was that a moan? I don't really remem…"

He was interrupted by her swat to his head. "Ouch! Watch it! I might have a concussion!" he complained, rubbing his forehead.

"I'll give you one if you keep giving me attitude, so don't start getting all cocky on me… and that was NOT a pun, so don't even THINK about going there…"

Before Nick got a chance to open his mouth, the paramedic decided that enough was enough.

"If you two are through with being so utterly, sickeningly and disturbingly in love, I'd like to take Detective Stokes here to the hospital for some X-Rays. Excuse me." And with that, the medic got hold of the stretcher and placed it inside the ambulance.

Sofia got back to her truck and followed suit.

Inside the ambulance, the EMT was doing his routine job swiftly: recording vital stats, hooking up an IV drip… and keeping the patient busy with small talks.

"Your girl is nice" he commented

"She is. Nice, I mean. I wouldn't dare call her mine. Not if I want to live to tell the tale."

The EMT smiled. He had heard that Detective Sofia was tough as nails. What he hadn't known was that there was something going on between these two. There had been rumors, but nobody had been able to confirm anything so far.

"So…" he said conversationally as he inserted a needle on Nick's arm, "Are you planning on making an honest woman out of her?"

The poor man never saw it coming. One minute he was doing his job, the next he was being held down on a death grip around his collar shirt and his patient's face mere inches away from his.

"What… do you mean… by honest?" Nick growled through clenched teeth.

"I am… I am sorry…. Didn't mean any disrespect… just kinda… asking…. If you're marrying her anytime soon…" the EMT gasped out

Nick released him and laid down back in the stretcher, feeling a tad woozy but still annoyed. "None of you goddamn business" he muttered before closing his eyes.

The EMT finished his work in absolute silence, having learned a couple of things. First, he never ever wanted to find himself on the bad side of this Texas bloke. Second, the man had been had, real time, and he had yet to figure it out. And third, he'd better find out, subtly of course, if there was a running pool bet for them… and get at least a 20 on how they'd show up together at the Christmas Ball. That ought to give him enough cash to have a merry holiday himself.

Nick had closed his eyes and taken a trip down memory lane… some 4 months back. They had been called in to work a murder scene right outside on of those cheesy wedding chapels. After they were done outside, they had gone in to talk to any possible eyewitnesses, which turned out to be a waste of their time, as nobody saw anything, and those who claimed had, had obviously not seen a thing. The minister running the chapel had been embarrassed by this, and had offered his services for free in the future, should either one of them need them. They thanked him and walked silently to the truck. Nick had gotten on the driver's seat and put the key into the ignition, but instead of turning it on; he had just rested his arms on the steering wheel and looked out of the windshield, not facing Sofia.

"I've been thinking…"

"No."

"You don't even know what I'm going to say…"

"I know you Nick, and I know where this conversation is headed. We've already talked about… this…"

"We really didn't talk. We just agreed that neither one of us was the marrying type. But that was 6 months ago, Sofia…"

"I know, Nick, I know. But…"

"Don't but me, baby girl. You promised."

"I said I'd let you know tonight…"

"What difference does it make if it's tonight or right now? You must have made up your mind already. Look…" he put up his hand when he noticed she was going to interrupt him. "I know we said one day at a time, and I was fine with that back then. But we've already gone to therapy, and we've already checked what laser removal options we have…Christ, we've even checked out a fertility clinic, for crying out loud! It's been a year, baby girl. And I don't know about you, but I'm tired of driving halfway through Vegas to get back home and change and then arrive to the Lab and pretend I have no idea as to why your hair is looking sorta disheveled, even in a pony tail, when I know darn well it was me who got it all messed up in the first place…"

Sofia sighed. She knew she was defeated. She also knew she wanted the same thing, just was a bit more hesitant to admit it.

"I think we should get Grissom and Jim in one room and just inform them and be done with it. And don't blame me if we don't get to work any cases together any more, cause I'm holding you responsible for that one, Stokes…"

"Is that a yes?"

"You want it in writing with two copies for archive?"

Nick's smile widened and lighted up his whole face. He slid forward and got hold of the back of her neck, pulling her closer for a kiss. And then another one. And another one. The beeping of her phone interrupted them and brought them back to reality.

"Will do. We'll be back in the lab in 20."

Nick turned on the ignition and began moving the truck out of the side alley. He spotted a sign outside on of the chapels: "Drive-by Weddings. Get hitched in 10 minutes or it's free!"

He motioned towards it with his head. "Whatcha say if we…?"

"Don't push your luck, wise guy. I simply agreed to move in with you. We're still on the one-day-at-a-time basis…"

Nick smiled. He could live with one day at a time. And once they were living together he'd start working on the next step. He had his heart set on changes, especially when it came to her. Even she would have to admit that Sofia Curtis-Stokes had a very nice ring…

Nick opened his eyes when he realized they had arrived at the hospital.

XXX

Sofia had driven behind the ambulance. Traffic was a bit heavy as they had to cross the Strip, and it gave her time to sort out her thought and feelings. It was usually she who had the highest risk percentage in their line of work, and most of the times her shift ended without a single incident, perhaps one of the perks of working detective with the crime lab. She had been offered at spot at Narcotics a few months back, but after consulting it with Brass and Nick she decided to turn it down.

But there had been times, in these past 18 months, where she had faced an armed suspect. Fortunately, only once it had been working the case with Nick, but that once had been enough. They had acted professionally and none of their coworkers suspected anything out of the ordinary in their behaviour. The scream fest began the moment they got into his truck, minutes after clocking out. In a way, it had been endearing to realize just how much he cared for her.

"The moment something happens to you, that's it for me Curtis! Don't you get it?" he had yelled at her

"Stop trying to make me feel responsible for your suicidal tendencies, you Texan maniac!" she had yelled right back.

Nick opened his mouth to say something but he quickly closed it. He had "busted" written all over his face and it made Sofia even angrier.

"Nicholas Coleman Stokes, if you have been having an affair with your service pistol behind my back, I swear to God I'm leaving you…"

"No! I'm not. You're not. Damn it!" he smacked the steering wheel hard. "I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I knew it! I don't want you out on the streets anymore… first thing tomorrow morning I'm talking to Brass about having you transferred…"

Sofia's eyes narrowed in anger- "Who the fuck do you think you are to be deciding about what I do or don't do with my life?"

She had gotten out of his truck and slammed the door shut with all her might, walking back to where her own car was. The sound of another door slamming followed almost instantly. As soon as he reached her, he grabbed her by the arm and pinned her against the wall.

"Don't you dare walk out on me like that!"

"Don't you dare try running my life for me!"

"Fuck it, Curtis! Do you have any idea how it feels to see the woman you love staring at the barrel of a gun and not know if the guy holding it is going to pull the trigger before someone takes him out?"

Nick's confession managed to cool her anger a bit and he sensed it.

"Baby girl… listen to me… if something happens to you… if I lost you… I wouldn't know what to do with myself… I can't promise I won't end up killing myself somehow… I just don't want to live without you in my life…"

That took all the wind from her sails and five minutes later they were having sex against the wall of the parking lot… in broad daylight.

The memory made Sofia flush all over. To this day, there were things… everyday objects or words… that she couldn't see, say out loud or think about without blushing at the memories. To say that their sex life had had some very hot moments would be an understatement. A bowl of chili was worse than pheromones. If Greg's lab coat could speak, Greg would certainly never wear it again. And she was sure they had broken at least 3 regulations by flashing their badges to get access backstage while they were watching "Zoomanity"…

A honk behind her brought Sofia back to reality and she kept on driving towards the hospital. She couldn't help feeling nervous. Granted, this had been the first time Nick had been in any real danger, but she suddenly understood how he felt every time he heard she had to pull her gun out while in the field.

And she didn't like the feeling one bit.

Jim Brass had warned her about it. He had quoted from many sources that the percentage of successful relationships between cops was one digit only. And then he said he truly hoped they were the exception. Grissom had been also adamant on caution, but seemed to believe they were a good match and that they had a good chance of surviving the first 3 months.

And survived they had. 18 months so far. She had moved in with him almost 4 months ago, and it had taken some getting used to. It hadn't been easy, and at times she wished she hadn't sublet her own place, but they had managed to reach a compromise in most cases. In those they hadn't been able to do so… well… they both had slept at the crime lab their share of nights until they both had calmed down enough to at least try to discuss how they were going to proceed if neither one of them was willing to compromise.

She thought back to the time they had gone to the laser removal clinic. Nick's ankle scar had been giving him some trouble lately so he'd opted to get it removed to see if it lessened the problem. Deep down Sofia knew that once there he was going to convince her to give it a try and had decided to bring it up first. So they both gave it a try. And they never went back.

They had been told the procedure was not without pain. They both had gone in at the same time, Nick to get the ankle one removed, Sofia giving it a try on her upper arm. Later that night, as they lay together in bed, both filled with pain killers, Nick had told her that, unless she so desired to, he wasn't going to ask her to continue the treatment. Sofia asked him is he could live with her scars and the problems they presented. Nick told her he wouldn't have it any other way. And that had been the last time they had discussed the topic.

That was also the first time she had actually considered becoming Mrs. Nick Stokes somewhere down the road.

XXX

By the time she reached ER, Nick had already been x-rayed and Dr. Benson was assessing his condition. He acknowledged her presence with a slight nod.

"Well, Mr. Stokes, it seems that you're okay. I want you to take it easy for a couple of days before going out on the field again. You know what symptoms to look for, the moment you experience one of them I want you back here ASAP. Got that?" He turned to Sofia, "I'm assuming I'm discharging him to your care?"

She nodded and he motioned them out of the examining room. Dr. Benson began filling Nick's chart in order to complete the paperwork for his release. "I heard from the clinic that the removal didn't go that well. Sorry about that. I had really hoped that you were a good candidate for reconstructive surgery." He kept on writing without lifting his eyes from the paper. "Dr. Malfoy, at the fertility clinic, also requested your medical records. Should I be congratulating you two?"

He finally looked up, just in time to see Nick hold Sofia's hand. Dr. Benson really liked these two, and had hoped things would work out for them.

"I had a nice chat with him yesterday. He knows that your body cannot withstand a full pregnancy, but he was discussing surrogacy as an alternative…"

"What?"

"Does that mean that…?" Sofia didn't want to give in to hope.

"Your eggs are viable, Sofia. A lil mix and shake, not stirred, with Mr. Stokes little guys and another woman could carry your child to term… think about it, will you? Dr. Malfoy thinks you have a 2 year window of opportunity there, so no rush to make a decision… here's your prescription Nick. I trust Sofia to take care of you. I wouldn't recommend physical exertion for a day or two, so you either forget about sex or get creative about it. Good Day!"

And he walked away, leaving the young couple open mouthed and a bit embarrassed.

"Let's go" said Sofia, pulling him by the hand towards the entrance

"What's the rush? You've already figured out how to be creative? Hey watch it, careful there, that's my hand you're crushing..."

They avoided all mention of Dr. Malfoy for the rest of the day. It wasn't until late that night, as they lay in bed in each other's arms, that Nick brought it up.

"So… hmm… surrogacy…"

"It does boggle the mind…"

"Had you ever… you know… given it some consideration?"

Sofia hesitated for a moment before deciding to go with the truth. "Not until I moved in with you…"

Nick felt his heart expand and tears threatened to show up. He pulled Sofia closer for a kiss. "Baby girl… I love you… I'd love to have a child we could call ours, but I'm not so sure about surrogacy… I'm willing to give it a chance, if you want to…"

"Amor… I'm not even sure if I'd make a good mother… kids were not among my five top priorities in life when I was growing up… and since my biological clock melted down…"

"Sofia… you know I hate it when you make jokes like those…"

"Sorry…. Defense mechanism… old habits die hard. Can we… ah… discuss this later? I just need some time to get used to the idea that I can actually consider having children as a viable option in my life…"

"Take all the time you need, baby girl… remember our golden rule…"

"I know Nick… I know… one day at a time."

Xxx XXX xxX

**A/N: ** Not happily ever after, but not entirely angsty, either.

**A/N2: ** Some pop culture references used were:

- "Hello gorgeous" is my favorite line in Barbra Streisand's "Funny Girl"

- One of Rod Stewart's most popular song is "Do you think I'm sexy?"

- "Zoomanity" is the Cirque du Soleil erotic spectacle, presenting both nudity and sexual-like representations, both gay and straight.

- "Amor" (Spanish for "love") is the most used term of endearment among married couples. Second most common is using a descriptive adjective.

**A/N3: **This is it. Thanks for taking this trip with me. Don't forget to review on your way out. Come back to visit whenever you want, door's always open!


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